Sadness tears me apart from the inside out. My eyes well with tears constantly, but my neck restricts it and I never feel them fall down my cheeks.
I have one true friend, but I’m not special to him. He’s told me I am once but I don’t believe him. Not after last night when he told me that our friendship feels like an arranged marriage and I found out about what he was feeling over Instagram.
He doesn’t tell me anything, ever.
I’ve never had an Instagram.
I finally make one and when I go to his account to follow him, he has pictures of his new boyfriend he’s never told me about and little blurbs saying how he’s crying himself to sleep. Why can’t he tell me? Aren’t you supposed to expose such raw emotion to the person you consider your best friend? If you can open up to complete strangers on an app, for God’s sake, why not me? Am I not good enough?
I never will be.