I seem to keep making the wrong choices and as much as i would like to forget about the past it keeps coming back to hunt me. I made a stupid choice many years ago and it got my a felony conviction…my only one before and even after. Now no one would let me forget it; I can’t get jobs that i am qualified for and/or that i know i would be great at. How am i going to fend for myself without work? I don’t want to do anything crazy/illegal but i need an money to survive. I have a child and i want to be able to provide for her and be a good role model but how?
I met a guy a few years ago who loved me for me but i pushed him away because i felt he wasn’t good enough for me but years later i am in love with him and he seems repulsed by me. I think he only comes around me because we have a child together. He doesn’t care if i am dead or alive. He looks at him with disgust sometimes like how could i have been with her but he has never said it. I wish he would just say how he feels; i can take it…it would be just another closing in my face like the many that already have.
I have no friends left, i didn’t even realize that until i needed some help recently and couldn’t find any help…no one. In recent years, i have been homeless a few times because i have no one.
The only reason i am still breathing is because of my child…i worry that she may not have anyone to take care of her the way i do but maybe she’s better off!
I tried to slit my wrists a few days ago but i heard my baby’s voice on the phone and she said “mommy i miss u” and i couldn’t do it.
I don’t know what tomorrow holds but if i make it, what’s next for me?
I think about not being in this world anymore daily.
I used to be the most popular girl in school, the most chased after by the boys, the most likely to succeed and now i am nothing just another statistic.
Death will bring me peace and maybe those i have hurt can finally forgive me out of pity
I just want to die and be a memory to them