GOD,
HERE IS OUR FIFTH STEP ARCCORDING THE SASA;
1. TO WHOM WILL ULLRICH TALK TO ABOUT THE UNBEARABLE SHAME HE HAS ENDURED?
-I HAVE BEEN TALKING TO RENEE, GOD AND GOD AND MARK. ALSO HOLY MOTHER CHURCH AND MY THERAPIST, CATHY.
2. HOW HAS ULLRICH COVERED UP HIS SHAME? ISOLATING? BEING A PERFECTIONAIST? SUPER RESPONSIBLE? ETC.
-DRUGGING, SEXING, AND ARTIFICIAL IGNORANCE. MEDIA, ENTERTAINMENT AND READING AND WRITING. TRYING TO KEEP MY SEXUALITY AS LITTLE AS POSSIBLE
3. DID ULLRICH THINK HE WAS THE ONLY ONE WHO FELT MISUNDERSTOOD?
-I DON'T KNOW. IT DOESN'T SEEM LIKE ANYONE IS UNDERSTOOD. EXCEPT FOR GOD AND HOLY MOTHER CHURCH THEREIN. AND DAVID FOSTER WALLACE AT CERTAIN MOMENTS OF THE PALE KING.
4. HOW HAS ULLRICH REALIZED THAT HE IS WORTHWHILE?
-I DON'T KNOW. JUST ATTENDING MEETINGS AND HEARING THAT OTHER FOLKS FEEL UNWORTHWHILE TOO. THAT MAKES IT EASIER TO FEEL WHAT I AM FEELING INSTEAD OF TRYING TO COVER IT UP AND DISGUISE IT.
5. HOW DOES HEARING THE STORIES OF OTHER INCEST RAPE SURVIVORS MAKE ULLRICH FEEL?
-IT MAKES ULLRICH FEEL LESS SAD AND LESS ALONE. WHEN WE HEAR OTHER PEOPLES PAIN IT MAKES OUR PAIN SING OUT AND FEEL LESS BAD ABOUT BEING A WEAK FORCE AND BEING HUMAN IS OKAY. WE DON'T HAVE TO PRETEND TO BE A GOD.
6. HOW WILL FORGIVING ULLRICHS ABUSER(S) WORK IN HIS FAVOR?
-IT CAN MAKE IT EASIER TO SEE SURVIVORS IN THE HEART OF HIS ABUSERS INSTEAD OF JUST REFRACTED PAIN AND MOURNING. HUMANIZING PEOPLE WITH BENEVELONCE IS THE KEY TO LIVING BEYOND SURVIVAL.
7. HAS ULLRICH ACCEPTED THAT THE ASSAULT WAS NOT HIS FAULT? BUT THE FAULT OF THE PERPETRATOR?
– I DON'T KNOW. WHAT DOES ACCEPTANCE LOOK LIKE?
8. IS ULLRICH WILLING TO GET IN TOUCH WITH HIS HUMANNESS? TO RELEARN TO TRUST? TO ACCEPT HIS FLAWS? AND ADMIT TO THEM?
-I DON'T KNOW WHAT WILLINGNESS IS NOR IF I HAVE IT BUT I CAN CONTINUE TO ATTEND MEETINGS AND BE OF SERVICE TO ONESELF. AND I DON'T KNOW WHAT FLAWS ARE BUT AM WILLING TO SEE WHAT A FLAW MIGHT BE WHEN IT SHOWS UP AND WHEN THE TIME COMES I CAN BE WILLING ENOUGH TO ADMIT TO IT.
SILENTLY ANONYMOUS,
-THE ARCHER