GOD,
I WAS GOING TO TAKE A BREAK BUT IT LOOKS AND SEEMS LIKE I'M JUST GONNA KEEP DOING THIS PART;
1. HOW HAS ULLRICH STOPPED AND GIVEN UP TRYING TO CONTROL OTHERS AND LEARNED TO TRUST AGAIN?
-I DON'T KNOW. IT SEEMS LIKE THE PROGRAM CALLED ACA IS REALLY HELPED HIM GET HIS BEARINGS IN ORDER. IT TAKES THIS PEOPLE PLEASING OBSESSION OUT OF HIS HANDS AND PUTS IT INTO THE HEART OF GOD. THROUGH ACA ULLRICH IS LEARNING HOW TO TRUST RENEE AND OTHERS AND TO GET OUT OF WAY, GOD. PLEASE GOD, WAY OUT OF GOD?
2. HOW HAS ULLRICH BEEN AFRAID OF HIMSELF?
-I AM AFRAID THAT I HAVE BECOME FRANKENSTEINS MONSTER WITHOUT EVEN KNOWING IT. I FEEL LIKE AN AUTISTIC LESS-THAN AND I AM HOPING THAT GOD MIGHT GOD DO THE THING. BECAUSE OF HOW MANY RAPISTS AND TRAUMATIZERS SURROUND ME, I THINK, HOW CAN I BE ANY DIFFERENT THAN THEM? DIFFERENCE IS JUST AN ILLUSION, NO? I'M OKAY WITH THE REFLECTION, IT'S THE INNER CONTENT THAT IS THE MOST TERRIBLE AND TERRIFYING!
3. HOW IS ULLRICH AFRAID OF WHAT HIS ANGER MIGHT CAUSE HIM TO DO?
-HE IS AFRAID BECAUSSE OF THE DADDY WHO DID A LOT OF DAMAGE TO THE MOMMY AND HIMSELF AND HERSELF AND THAT HE WAS SO UNAWARE WHEN ALL OF THESE THINGS WERE HAPPENING AND GOD GOTTEN OUT OF GODS WAY, SO FORTH. I DON'T WANT TO HURT ANYONE, SO I WANT TO ACKNOWLEDGE MY ANGER BEFORE IT TRIES TO TAKE CONTROL. TRUE CONTROL IS NOT NO, BUT LEETLE BIT.
4. WHAT ARE ULLRICHS VALUES?
-LITERATURE? THE IMPORTANCE OF FREE SPEECH. EVEN IF ITS A LIE. PEOPLE MUST BE ALLOWED TO SAY WHAT THEIR BODY NEEDS TO SAY. EMPTINESS. NOTHINGNESS. THE POSSIBILITY OF BECOMING THE WEAKNESS OF GOD? POETRY, EMPTINESS AND ZAZEN.
5. HOW HAS ULLRICH BEEN DISHONEST?
-GOD KNOWS THAT ULLRICH HAS A PENCHANT FOR LYING. WE DID AN INVENTORY OF OUR MORALS LAST NIGHT REGARDING HOW MUCH AND HOW OFTEN WE WERE PRE-DISPOSED OF LYING FOR FEAR OF BEING FOUND OUT TO BE EMBARASSED, ABANDONED AND ALONE. WE LIED TO FIT IN AND TO GAIN CREDIT FOR OUR SHORTCOMINGS AND OUR SENSE OF LACK.
6. WHAT STEPS CAN ULLRICH TAKE TO CHANGE HIS MISTAKES?
-DOES HIS BEST TO BE HONEST, GOES TO MEETINGS, GOTTEN GOD OUT OF GODS WAY. COMMITS THE STEPS TO THE BEST OF HIS ABILITY. AND REFRAINS FROM GOSSIP AS OFTEN AS POSSIBLE. IN SILENCE, USUALLY ALL OF HIS MISTAKES ARE WIDE OPEN AND AWARE AND THIS LETS HIM BE BETTER ABLE TO BE POWERLESS.
7. HOW DOES ULLRICH BLAME HIMSELF FOR THE ABUSE?
– I DON'T REALLY KNOW. THAT KIND OF THING IS CHRYITE BURIED. WE MIGHT HAVE TO QUSTION THIS QUESTION A BIT LATER.
8. WHAT CAUSSES ULLRICH TO FEEL GUILTY?
-ULLRICH DOESN'T KNOW! WE CAN'T GET ANY FURTHER THAN THESE ELEMENTS.
9. WHEN READY, DESCRIBE THE SEXUAL ASSAULTS THAT ULLRICH SUFFERED;
-VAGINAL BETH (AN EXPOSEE), VAGINAL GRETCH (AN EXPOSEE PART 2), M. THE MAIN EXPOSEE, TED PUSHING ME BACKWARDS, GETTING HIRED TO RAPE PENNY FOR HER ENTERTAINMENT, FEELING LIKE A DOLL, FEELING PHONY, FEELING LIKE TRASH, AND BEING CONSTANTLY ABANDONED BY SONA AND INFIDELITIZED. IT'S NOT MY FAULT, IT TRULY ISN'T. NO MATTER HOW MUCH THE FAMILIAR WANTS TO BLAME ME, I SIMPLY CANNOT ACCEPT BLAME FOR SOMETHING I HAVEN'T DONE!
SILENTLY ANONYMOUS,
-THE ARCHER