GOD,
STILL DEALING WITH THESE FOOD ADDICTIONS A LITTLE BIT STILL.
SORT OF LINGERING IN THE KITCHEN WAITING FOR SOME KIND OF DELICACY TO APPEAR.
NOTHING OF THE SORT.
JUST A SPOONFUL OF PEANUT BUTTER WHEN ALL ELSE FAILS. JUST TO MAKE SURE I HAVE SOMETHING IN MY TUMMY.
HAVING A CUP OF NOODLE RIGHT NOW. ONE MEAL AT A TIME.
I AM SORT OF GETTING SUCKED INTO BETHANYS ADDICTION SOMEHOW? CODEPENDENCY BY DEFAULT? BORN INTO CODEPENDENCY?
MY SHORTS WON'T EVEN BUCKLE. I'M NOT DISPLEASED ABOUT IT BECAUSSE IT COMES AND GOES BUT IT IS JUST SOMETHING TO OBSERVE AND ACKNOWLEDGE THAT IS REALLY EASY FOR ME TO ACT OUT WHEN THE STRESS LEVEL PEAKSS AND I AM NOT USING MY TOOLS AT THE GIVEN MOMENT.
I FEEL ANGRY, DISTURBED, GROSSED OUT, SAD, AND SO FORTH ABOUT BETHANYS EATING DISORDER. IT DOESN'T MAKE SENSE THAT SHE IS SPENDING MONIES ON VOMITING! I KNOW THERE ARE A LOT OF PEOPLE IN THE WORLD WHO SUFFER FROM ANOREXIA AND BULIMIA BUT WHY DOES IT HAVE TO BE MY SISTER? IT'S EMBARASSING AND ALIENATING. THERE IS NOTHING I CAN DO ABOUT IT. NOTHING I CAN SAY AND NOTHING I CAN DO TO MAKE THINGS BETTER.
I CAN CREATE WHOLESOME AND DELICATE BOUNDARIES, BE KIND AND GENTLE WITH MYSELF, AND NOT TAKE OTHER PEOPLES INVENTORY, NO MATTER HOW MUCH FUN IT SEEMS IN THE MOMENT. IT GETS ME INTO A LOT MORE TROUBLE THAN I CAN MANAGE.
GOD HELPS GOD FEEL BETTER ABOUT HIMSELF. PLEASE BRING ME CLOSER TO THE HEART OF OUR PROGRAM AND TEACH ME HOW TO GET OUT OF THE GOD WAY.
I AM LEARNING HOW TO BE STILL AND LEARN THE PROCESS OF UNCONDITIONALITY.
I PRAY THAT THE SERVICE OF GOD REACHES ITS ZENITH AND LEADS TO HAPPINESS, PEACE AND JOY.
SILENTLY ANONYMOUS,
-THE ARCHER