Years ago I didn’t know what Autism was. Then I had my first baby. People all around me were saying “don’t give shots they cause Autism”….. I was a first time mom, terrified of anything that might make my baby not like the rest. As a parent, that insinuation is so cruel,it makes parents feel like absolute s***. We need to stop making parents feel bad for making decisions for their kids. The idea that making a choice to vaccinate could cause your child to permanently have a difficult time? Constantly adding to the guilt we already carry about every decision we make as children. Then I had my second kid. And he was different. He wasn’t like the rest. Oh and did I mention that his mom was so busy she forgot about vaccinations? Did I mention he was born this way?
You read correctly, he was born this way. I didn’t notice it the day he was born, but as he grew I grew aware that he was not just like the rest. He didn’t sit up, he rarely smiled, and even those small things took months and months of practice. Even eating. The day I knew without a shadow of doubt? His first birthday. It’s supposed to be an incredibly amazing experience fun filled with balloons and cake. He was supposed to be happy, open presents, and get messy. He did none of those things. He wouldn’t touch the cake, didn’t want to be around all the people, and didn’t want to see any of the toys. The best picture I have from that day he looks incredibly sad in.
Fast forward, life is harder then I ever imagined it could be. Autism is born, not made. It’s not a disease, it’s a person. It’s a child. It’s my child. It’s screaming at nothing, it’s sponge bathing a 2 year old, and it’s cancelling at the last minute on friends who don’t really know whats going on. It may me losing some friends you’ve had for a long time, it may mean isolation. Sometimes it means sitting in a hotel room alone while the family eats, or staying up watching TV all night long because he wants to. Sometimes it means resting the nursing baby on the body of a 2 year old who just needs you to hug him constantly. Sometimes it’s fast food all week, or tearing up a few times a day. Sometimes its an Ativan before a coffee date.
I know without a doubt there will never be a cure for autism, why? Because autism is NOT A DISEASE. Autism is that almost two year old down the hallway shrieking in his crib at 2 in the morning while I wish I could breathe even if I was to shove my head between two pillows. I can’t, I’ve tried. Autism is a way of life. It isn’t a stage of life, and he isn’t just going to get over it.
Please stop asking us to stop treating our kids different because you think that if we do that then they will just learn to suck it up. You aren’t in the hours of therapy we have to take them to. You don’t know what happens behind closed doors. You might see all the happy photos on social media, but you won’t know how many screaming ones we had before that.
My heart breaks for my son, it breaks because things affect him so deeply that he can’t control his reaction. It breaks because being different will never be easy, because being different like him is for very special souls. Being different like him, is not for the faint of heart. Being different, IS being him.
If you know a mom with an autistic child, please I beg you, bring her supper. Offer to watch those kiddos of hers that don’t have autism. Do it when you notice she hasn’t updated her facebook status much lately. Those are bad days. Or do it when she doesn’t post pictures as usual, those are bad days.
And do it, without expecting anything in return. She already feels inadequate enough.
From The Struggling Mama