I am 17 years old, i have been in a relationship for nearly 2 years; from the ages of 5-10 years of age i had the misfortune of being sexual abused by my mothers boyfriend; i am saying this to clarify and explain why having children means so much to me.
Those five years of my life were not a childhood to me at all, the memory’s don’t seem remotely happy; i do try to enjoy the ones with my family members. Due to not experiencing a child hood and not being able to be free as a child, has made having children the most important thing to focus on in my life.
Too refill this whole with a childhood, to see my child safe and happy and experience that with him/her, to cuddle them and protect them with the person i love; to re live my life and create a new story with as many ups and downs that will face me.
My best friend is now pregnant, from breaking up with one person and going it with the next; i dont judge this i wish me and my boyfriend were completely careless sometimes; but i don’t recent him for not being able to have a child, as i understand that he wants me to experience and learn through life before creating a new one to experience it with.
But i am still so very jealous and bitter about my friend being pregnant; when i am with her i make sure she knows i am their for her, i love to experience the baby scans and other such pregnancy events, but one’s i am away from her the excitement goes and it hits me; im not the one who is having the baby, she is and i just feel as if it is unfair; which is so very wrong of me.
The feeling of this upset is the hardest thing for me to face, it could end up ruining my relationship, as my other half is so understanding, and i don’t want to break that by crying every time i see a child; he may get fed up of my pathetic behaviour.
I have spent a lot of money on my friends baby, because i want my own; i just feel ridiculous as i am a 17 year old girl who is completely ready to have a child, and i understand that this sounds so naive, but it means so much to me, and i cant focus my life on anything else.
I cried at my friends scan and she didn’t shed a tear, i need help as to control this and hopefully be a normal person at my age that wants to party and do stupid things; just to be normal before i ruining my relationship and becoming so stupidly depressed over this.
I shouldn’t be this age and want a child, but i do; so please could somebody respond to this and hopefully help me!
Thankyou very much!