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are they really my friends?

im someone who was very lonely in my early years of school life. now that im older, all of my friends just don't feel like friends. my friend that i thought was my real friend went to a different school to me and we only talk ever so often. also my friend that i think of my real friend, thinks of me as their 'emotional animal support' friend, keyword 'animal'. i just laugh it off but it does really hurt me inside. the first few times i was fine with it because i think they were joking but hearing more and more just broke me more and more. all my friends are really just friends of my other friends. i get invited to parties and stuff but it feels like im invited because i hangout with them. to mention, im not a very social person, i stay quiet about 80% of the time with other people besides myself but to my defense i don't know what to say most of the times. im not really in with all the inside jokes they have in the group. i mainly hangout with my mom during the weekend and im not really invited to friend get togethers. i haven't told anybody about my feelings before. i just feel lonely.

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