January 12, 2020
8:25 PM
Went out to meet Stacy (Stanko Kebic) just to feel better talking with someone who is kind of a friend (I mean I'm not sure she views me as a friend, but I want to view her as one).
She tends to be extremely positive or unable to grasp my bad academic situation thus, underestimating how bad it is.
She has some traits that I'm not comfortable with. Like her extremely flirty behaviour in public. I tend to stay mute when I'm with her in a group with her because I'm too anxious to even make a move. I feel like everyone around me is judging me.
Even alone with her in a tightly packed public place (e.g. A restaurant, streetcar) can become uncomfortable because I think someone nearby is listening (can also happen if I see someone watching me).
However, when we spend time together alone, I tend to feel happier.
I guess I'll never know why I continue to meet her. Most times she just calls to chat on (she talks a lot. Most times she's the only one talking during a call). Sometimes she calls to talk about a bad situation where she got so angry.
We met on a dating app (Probably a good example of my unexplained hypersexuality kicking in. Coupled with a lack of motivation to carry on my academic responsibilities). I had a partial sexual attraction towards her. But changed my mind and just remained friends.