I don't know if I want to be friends with her anymore. It's supposed to be a give-take relationship, right? But I do like, 90% of the giving, and I rarely get anything back. She barely even cares about me. It's like I'm trapped though: as soon as I see her I freeze and every thought about giving her a piece of my mind flies out of the window. "You either change the way you treat me, or this friendship has to end."
That's what I want to say. I don't want to be the one she yells at when she can't bottle anything else up. I want to be the one she talks to, so it never gets too much.
I don't want to be pushed to the side as soon as she gets interested in someone else, or when she just thinks I'm not useful anymore. I want to be the first choice, at least once.
I want her to care about me the same way I care about her, and I want to feel even half as important to her as she is to me.
I can't deal with this anymore. I don't want to be the eternal second choice. I wish she could love me, even a bit.
God, I'm so lonely.