Since you started to not talk to me, I haven't been very happy. I've wondered a lot whether all of this was my fault, but S. says no. I keep telling myself that I've just been waiting on a proper apology and rightfully so, but nagging inside me I carry this doubt that I just f***ed up like the times before when I called someone a best friend. Maybe I'm expecting too much. Maybe … but then, I expected you to address me once in more than 5 months, a simple hello, a simple sign you've been thinking about me, remembered me, that is not too much to ask, now is it? I know I will regret this when I die, and without you dying seems a little closer, just because of all the s*** cigarettes I've been smoking and the joints. All those people who said they would reunite us, and nobody has done anything. Now I don't even know whether I want you back at all. I do want you back, but that you that I knew (or thought I knew) before I found out you would go five months completely without me. Did you forget my birthday or do you hate me now? Or worse, simply not care. I've been very lonely since. Now there's no more words. I'm done. I miss you, and I doubt that it's right to blame you for the silence between us, but at the same time I cannot forgive you.