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Posted by on 2020/05/11 under Love

Sometimes I wonder if it’s easier to just leave. Be single. I won’t have to worry about anyone but myself. I know what makes me happy and I wouldn’t need someone to make me happy. Especially if he really doesn’t want to. He doesn’t want to put in the efforts, he doesn’t want to give me quality time, he doesn’t want to give me the consideration. So why am I still here? Is it because it’s something consistent? Is it because it feels safe? Or maybe I’m just comfortable. Sometimes I think do I deserve the situation I’m in? I haven’t been a saint in my life, honestly did some f***ed up things so maybe this is what I get. But why should I continue to live like this only to feel invisible by someone who is suppose to make you feel loved, special, etc. I’m not acknowledged and when I bring it up, it’s because I’m too needy. When I bring up I want more effort, I’m asking for too much. But don’t I deserve more? More than just mediocre and the bare minimum. I’m not good at many things but I can love. I love with a passion. So why can’t I get that in return? Maybe it’s just the way he is and just not the same level as I am? But even if we’re not on the same level, shouldn’t he want to put more efforts to show me love the way I perceive it? After all, there are different love languages. So why does he make me feel like I’m wrong everytime I bring up my feelings. I’m too emotional, yes, I agree but f***. If that’s my driving personality, respect it or leave it. You get mad and walk away. Then don’t speak until I have to ask if we can talk. I’m over that s***. I’m tired of having to go to you and approach you. Like it’s f***ing bulls***. I’m fed up. I know I should have better. I should have someone who wants to fix things then let it fester up inside. Someone who wants to communicate. Someone who wants to spend quality time with me and will make time for me. But am I ready? Ready to leave the life I’ve known for almost 7 years? What is it like to date now a days? Guys are pigs. How will I find another good one? How long will it take me? Will I be single for a good amount of time? But I hate being alone. What if I can’t do it. What if no one accepts me like he does. Or understands me, accepts the good and the bad. What if it’s just easier to stay…

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