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Posted by on 2019/02/11 under Love

It was in the middle of a night before I was going to get myself some sleep when I suddenly decided that I should be writing my love story. I havent actually done this kind of thing in a long time, so just bear with me okay. Apparently I just need to let some things out. So here we go.
To be honest I dont exactly know when it started. I can't really remember the exact day that I fell for him but I remembered the first time I can't stop thinking about him was when I was away for some time in Spring last year. I remembered I was crying in the middle of the night in the hotel thinking about he and I are not meant to be, that it isnt going to work out between us, with me being short, dark and fat girl while he is well you know charming, handsome and smart.
As times past, the more I spent time with him the more I fell for him. The way he smile while looking at me keeps me feels like I am being loved. Even though we were alone in the room not having any conversations together but it is enough for me knowing that he is there with me. I feel much better knowing he is there although we were not even looking into each others. Have you ever feels that way too?
The first day I met him he seems like a shy guy. Not quite my expectations because you see I was texting him prior that. In the text he sounds like someone who is funny and friendly but when I met him the first time he doesnt really make conversation much. I cant really remember what are his first words to me. But when texting he seems like a totally different person. But when I re-read the text messages I realized that I was being too dependent on him. I keep bothering him with questions and more questions but thank god he replied politely. He is being nice to me and I guess that what makes me fell for him.
It tooks us only few days for the ice breaking sessions. We are becoming less awkard together and started to treat each other like a good friend. Maybe it's because I am comfortable being myself with him and he also feels that way too. We started hanging out together more and more and somehow I ended up falling in love with him. Girls like it when guys treated them nicely. Who doesn't right? I never had this kind of feeling before. Previously if a guy treated me nicely I would have set a guard on my heart and keep telling me that the guy being nice and friendly just because he is like that, not because he likes me or something. Plus that guy is usually not exactly single, maybe he is married or engaged or even in a relationship with someone else. But this time it is different. I let my guard down and accidentally fall in love with him. How foolish of me huh?
But the real question is does he ever love me the way I love him? I mean it has been already about a year now but he never said anything about wanting to start a relationship with me. Sometimes I feel like he likes me but other time it feels like just one of his buddies. He jokes around a lot with me, teasing me here and there, keep spending times with me but sometimes I feels like he is not that into me. I really dont know what is it on his mind. If he is such a nice guy why isnt he married yet? All nice that are as nice as him already got taken but why he is still single? Either he is very picky or he already has someone in his life and waiting for her or something.
So you guys know how frustrated am I waiting for him saying those three words eight letters to me? I feel like I'm very desperate waiting for him to make the move but what if he really is not into me? Am I just wasting my time ? Perhaps you guys thought why the heck didnt I confess to him? Well to be honest I am afraid. I am afraid of rejection and heart broken. I never been in love or in a relationship before. I never had a boyfriend and being lovey dovey with him. I never had some guy who gives me chocolates or presents or try to woo me. Never.
For now let us just keep the secrets between us. Just keep hiding my feelings until one day when the right time has come I can tell him how much I really love him. Right now I just dont want to ruin our current relationship as friends. I dont want him to be awkward with me and start to avoid me later. Just keep smiling and enjoy the moment we spend together and hoping that whatever happens in the future it is the best for all of us.

One thought on “first love

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