Posted by Mindy1718 on 2017/12/23 under Love There seems to be a sudden urge to write/type something. When I was younger, there writing was something that I always did. Why the sudden change now? When was it that I stopped thinking? So many questions unanswered. I can't remember the time. Did you know that I am a lot happier without thinking about things or people. The emotions that I have now are limited. Being depressed isn't an option anymore. The problem I had with thinking is when I would get depressed about my thoughts. Keeping me awake, giving me too much hope, making me depressed, waking up to reality, daydreaming, and these things either hurt me or let me try to cope with everything going on in my head. Daydreaming was one of the things that kept me moving, yet… the sanity was slowly leaving me. "Am I really alive?" Dreaming was a getaway from the daily duties I did. Dreaming slowly overpowered my life to think things would happen when in fact, they never came true. You could hope and wait for promises or anticipate for something to happen but when promises or anticipating for something to happen but it doesn't! What emotions are left when things aren't going the way that you want? You know… It really is hard to show affection when people let you down. You can give different emotions to share for the world to see but can a person give affection to the people they care about? Everyone is different. I for one am different yet, there are people who are like me. Relationships are hard, family relationships are hard, friends can be a struggle, even meeting strangers can be hard at times. A person can show many faces to different people but who is the real personality? What face can I show this person? You can pretend to be someone you aren't but it doesn't take long when people can tire of being someone else. In fact, a person can take it too far and end up taking the part of the person they pretended to be. It's hard to break down my walls. I feel bad… People care but it seems as though people think that I don't care. How do I show it? How can I give my love? I can be myself, I can talk about whatever, I can buy you things, I can laugh, make people smile, I can communicate and solve things, I can give you so much but why!? Why is it so hard to give you something that I don't understand! I DON'T UNDERSTAND! HOW CAN I SHOW YOU THAT I CARE? I DO AND YOU KNOW IT BUT WHAT MORE DO I HAVE TO DO? IT HURTS! Why can't I show it? I hate crying. It makes me weak and I hate it. I don't want to say "I love you," because people just leave… I don't want you to leave! Please don't leave me. I'm already attached than I would like. I hate it but yet I need more. Opening up hurts but I feel better. The thoughts of you leaving me hurts. Like a child having their parents leaving. My emotions are very childlike. Never wanting to grow up because being an adult is hard. I want to fall in love but I don't want to either. It hurts. It really hurts. My heart hurts, I hate crying, why does it have to be hard? I hate it but I like him. I like him. I like him. I guess I ended up complaining haha. Well… I guess this needed to be said haha