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Posted by on 2017/10/22 under Love

I met him about two months ago on my way home alone, from a party of obnoxious Americans watching football. I was annoyed that I was there when I am studying abroad in France to study French. So when a relatively attractive guy approached me in French, I followed him stupidly. He tells me I'm beautiful, that I should be his petit chat(little cat? lol it's much sweeter in French), and he even asks me to be his girlfriend that night. I say why not. We sleep together that very night. He gives me his number and his facebook, but I'm too mad that he didn't use a condom and came inside me so I don't contact him. A week later, he finds me randomly on the street again. He apologizes(it was a language miscommunication so it was partly my fault I didn't tell him). we have lunch together. I find out he's actually homeless, paperless, and jobless. He illegally migrated from Tunisia three years ago.
We keep hanging out whenever I have time. But whenever we do, all we did was walk everywhere without purpose or go to his cousin's snack or go to his friends' houses. Or drink/go out. He gets mad easily. He walks really fast all the time. He likes beer too much, he had a bottle pretty much every time I saw him. We also talked about selling things to my american friends, I turned him down eventually since I can't risk being deported from my program. I talk to my friends about him and how I should probably break up with him soon, before I like him too much.

He is very charming. He talks to everyone on the street, he knows everyone, he has many friends. Dresses well. Very kind. His flirting is also on point, despite my low level of French we somehow were in love. He also introduces me to all his friends, shows me a lot of Tunisian/Arab migrant culture. He has a very big heart. A bit too prideful, can't ask people for money or help when he needs it. Also unfortunately homophobic. But just a "dislke"….Very protective as well, he was upset when I leaned in a bit too close to hear what some man at a bar that we met together was saying. He repeatedly told me that I can't see other men and that I should be careful of other men.

And then, I am walking home from class one day to see him and another girl sitting very close together. I freeze. I keep watching them until they commence kissing. He is as charming to everyone as me….I keep watching them for about twenty more minutes until the girl leaves.

I catch up to him and tell him I saw him with the girl….he asks me what I want…My immediate response was offering him an open relationship….I didn't want to lose him..buthe says no because he's not gay??? Because he can see other women but I can't???? Somehow I am more attracted to him more now. I want to be better liked than this girl he met…He tells me he met her just a couple days ago, that she is just a slut. That he needs her to obtain papers here. And that he wants kids.

And it's true, while we were dating I told him to go find a rich French woman, not a poor American student like me. I think I may have been okay with it if he told me about her. Or at least more okay. We go to his friend's house for a bit because he needs to smoke, I wish I smoked too. I go home, I didn't want to be with him anymore.

I go out and drink a lot that night, met some French man, and like the slut I am, sleep with him too. He wasn't so great though. Little contact afterwards. We might see each other again, maybe not. We keep talking about it but never happening. It was not a good idea..

I saw my ex cheating on me last Thursday. I see him again that Saturday night. He tells me about how he's sorry, and that I shouldn't cry for him. He keeps saying he didn't mean to hurt me. We also talk about marriage, children, papers, future. He asks me(jokingly or not jokingly), if I want to marry him after he marries a French woman. We create a rhetoric where we want to be together but we can't because of our nationalities and situations. His friend also kicked him out that night because he hasn't been paying anything to stay at his house. He hadn't slept for two days when I met him. I couldn't give him anything because I live with a host family. I couldn't give him a blanket. He tells me hes started to run to doing anything for money now. He's stealing…as if he could have a worse status as a man lol. And he randomly tells me that he was actually in the hospital for two years after he arrived here, so it's only been a year searching for jobs. He also talks about leaving for Paris because he is afraid the police know his face here. He asks me for money if I'm willing…but then he retracts his plan to go to Paris. I leave because I have to get home before my host parents wake up. How much can I even trust him anymore?

He asks me to see me about three more times, around 10pm for the next week. I don't go, I have classes early in the morning and am afraid to see him.

We talk about seeing each other Friday. We dont, and also he doesn't have a phone so I can only contact him when he has wifi. Then he gives me his number…(when did he get a new phone?) I text him but it doesn't work or he didn't respond.

I randomly see him on the street last night while I was out with my friend. I catch up to him, slightly drunk. I ask him if he's doing alright. He doesn't seem like it but I guess it's going alright. He tells me his girlfriend can give him food if he's hungry. That she knows that he has no papers. We didn't kiss on the lips. He tells me I should go find another man, to be careful of men, to forget him. I tell him we can be together in another world, he tells me we would have lots of children. He tells me he's never met anyone like me, he'll never forget me. He tells me to forget him. But how much of anything he says is true?

I am so foolish, I cannot stop thinking about him. I love him…..But it is also just me who has a tendency to love people that I can't and people that treat me badly. I could see the French man I slept with in sadness of being cheated on. But he doesn't interest me whatsoever. I also worry for my ex…He'll be alright probably.

It's good for me that I don't see him anymore. My French did improve, but for too grand of a price…I can cry now from the words of this language. Such a strange feeling.

I just want to see him right now. I want to spend my time with him.

I hate men. They all look at us as if we're objects. Leave me alone if all you want is sex. Im not a sex doll.

One more thing. My ex told me the second to last night before we said we should be together in another world, was that he loves me because he knows I wouldn't go to other men. What a s***ty thing to say. I need to forget this s***ty man. I need to forget him. I need to forget him.

This however is a blessing of a problem, I am happy I met him. This is a grand learning experience even if not so enjoyable…I probably would have been better off with some guy who has an apartment at least, but I don't think their hearts would have been as big. I would not have had such an interesting experience I think

I shouldn't contact him again…but I want to ask. If I had European citizenship, would he have not cheated on me? I feel like that's probably not the case. the french girl he is seeing is also 19, lol she will not marry him and give him babies. I bet he approached her, most women don't approach men. Did he love me really? Would he have really married me? Would he have loved me if I married him?

I should probably check if I have any STDs from him, that's all I should be thinking about. If at all about him.

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