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Posted by on 2017/09/17 under Love

yesterday night you broke up with me. you said it was because of how far our age is. I'm 13 and your 15. I get it, its weird. ive thought about our age a lot since we have gotten together but I never considered it a serious problem. after all age is just a number. I'm am very mature for my age, ive grown up around people where I have to be older than my age. all my life ive been older than I am but I guess that doesn't matter. we talked about our ages before we started dating and you said you were fine with it. I was fine with it. we dated for a while. truth is, I miss you. I miss you so f***ing much and I'm trying not to cry while typing this. I cried so much last night but of course I never let anyone know that. I loved you and I still do. I guess you didn't feel the same way about me. Thank God you broke up with me friday, I dont think I could have made it through if I had to see you the next day. everything hurts. everything I see reminds me of you constantly. oh my god I miss you so much. I going to miss the way you would come to my locker after every class. I'm going to miss the way you snuck out of class to come see me at lunch. I'm going to miss our hours long facetime calls. I'm going to miss talking to you everyday. I'm going to miss annoying the s*** out of you but you loving me anyway. I'm going to miss your hugs. I'm going to miss you. you made me feel like I wasn't worth it when you broke up with me. ever since I started dating you ive always felt insecure abut the girls you hang out with in class. I was jealous but I cant say anything I hang out with guys too. the girls you hang out with are so pretty and fun and nice and everything a guy likes about a girl. oh and your age. ive always felt like I cant compete with them. I honestly don't know how I'm going to take it seeing you with somebody else. I cant even imagine it. its hurts so bad. and also the fact that I don't think you care anymore hurts or at least you don't act like you do. I'm a reserved person. I'm not outgoing at first. once you get to know me I'm the loudest, most craziest person you'll ever meet. you never even got to know the real me. you never got to see me truly and that scares me. you don't even know who I am. you don't know what my life was like before I met you. you don't know about some of the most important things that have happened in my life like how I was adopted. I cant believe that we ended so soon. the more I think about it I don't even know if you ever truly loved me. you would say you did and act like you mean it but deep down, did you? you used to tell me that I was beautiful and special and you would never hurt me in any way possible. you lied. your hurting me so badly right now and you don't even know it. nobody knows it. you said you wanted to date me when I was in high school. you also said you still wanted be really good friends with me. honestly, don't think either of those will happen. it going to be so hard seeing your face Monday. ive been praying about it to God to help me be courageous. it will be very different. ive decided that I'm going to take a break from boys for a minute and work on myself. I'm done with being hurt for a while. I'm so sick of it. next time I develop a crush somebody please just flat out slap me as hard as you can. maybe it will remind me what that that's only 1/100000 of the pain I'm feeling right now. but when I do start talking to another guy, I am going to just tell him straight up that I'm don't want any bulls***. if you like me, act like it. don't be a jerk. I'm feeling a lot better writing this out. I think I'm going to write about some other experiences ive had that I'm still hurting from and I need to get over. don't know if anyone will ever read this but thanks for listening. -girl with a broken heart

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