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Posted by on 2012/11/20 under Uncategorized

The hardest things to do is to watch the one you love, love someone else. The memories that replay in my head day in and out, brings dark and painful thoughts.Tears no longer fall from my face, smiles are not longer real. Moving on is hard and even harder when your heart and brain fight with each other. No matter how hard i try to move on i can never get close to feel anything for any one else nor do i stop loving that past person. I’m lost confused, dazed and sometimes even wonder why am i still here. What purpose do i have to continue being here. Everyday i place a fake smile on my face to hide worrying eyes from getting close. Outside im happy but inside i’m dying. Yes im not going to lie suicide has appeared in my thoughts as well as cutting but i restrain from it. Many times i ask my self; Am i worth anything? When will my life truly begin where i can finally truly smile even when i don’t want to. I stay strong for others around me but i cant stay strong for my self. My breaking point took to a whole new level. Point? Ha….there is no point. I’m…just broken. Will i be more than just a person in a crowd? in my eyes im not good enough to call someone they love when everyone that said they loved me left…I guess actually being the good girl that guys look for doesnt seem to work any more. Maybe if i was gone then maybe things would be alot better for everyone else. They could well he could move on further than he already has and forget that i ever existed in his life. What is love….what is caring…what is anything? My feelings have gone, i’ve changed so much other the years that now relationships scare me and commitment isnt in my heart any more. I want to know what true love is or i know my heart will never be truly happy nor will the zombie inside of me return back to life…… ='(

One thought on “Loneliness

  1. Anonymous says:

    Time will heal, or fix. You must start the process for either one

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