Love Work Family Friends Games Kids Life

Posted by on 2011/08/05 under Uncategorized

Hello internet. I wonder if anyone will read this (but obviously on some level I hope that someone will, since otherwise I would just have written this into a Word document and deleted it. I would apologise for boring the hypothetical reader with my rubbish, but what? No-one’s getting forced to read it.)…. What I wanted to say is this: I am almost at the end of a very bad year. Actually, in some respects it’s a good year: I started a PhD which I mostly find interesting, and which I definitely prefer to what I was doing before: I like having a task which will lead to something, something definite, and I like increasing my knowledge…. but the problem is my living situation. This is hard to explain, because actually there is nothing seriously wrong with it. I had been living with my parents before this year which actually wasn’t too bad (in itself it was okay: what got to me was the idea that people treated me like a loser because of it… but I’m not even that old (25)…)…but last September I moved into a shared house, with people I hadn’t known before. The house itself is okay. I dislike my room, mainly because it’s a single room and too small. I don’t feel that I can respect myself as a person, being 25 and living in a crappy shared house with people I don’t like in a little single room which isn’t even big enough for all my things…. yes, I am of course aware that other people have it much worse than I do…. But the main problem about the living situation is the people I live with. Now, I am going to appear like a total wanker here, since I have no good reason for disliking them. They have no particularly bad habits – I just find them ‘spiritually’ offputting for me, not in a religious sense, as I am not religious, but in the sense that I feel that their personalities are entirely contrary to mine. They are grey people; they consume, and don’t create. In fact they are more or less like the living dead. Every time I talk to them, it grates on me. They show no enthusiasm for anything… worse, one of them speaks in a very vulgar manner – it is not just that he swears, but it’s the way in which he does it, exclaiming the word ‘f***!’ on its own at the slightest annoyance in his stupid voice (which I’m sure he’s putting on to look ‘cool’: he listens to rap music, smokes weed and dresses ‘gangster’, but he went to boarding school and his parents are doctors…..). I can understand using swearwords to emphasise things, but someone who just uses them on their own, and all the time – is it so difficult to form coherent sentences? Worse, he doesn’t even swear imaginatively – all I hear from him is the word ‘f***’….. So, it was difficult for me living in close proximity to such people. I am aware how much of an arse I must sound like with my judgements passed on ‘such people’, but I am trying to be honest, and really it was them, and it was draining for me to have to be around them. However, the 12 month tenancy which I was stupid enough to sign on this s***hole is up soon, and in less than two weeks I will be moving into a flat, a big flat which will be all to myself… finally, I will be able to feel like I have my own space, which is really my own. Here I can here everything which my housemates are doing – and they can hear me….. so I wait. I’ve been trying to make the time pass more quickly by working a lot, and that seems to be helping, and it is always good to get work done. I feel like when I have a place to myself, I will be able to respect myself, and I will be able to live how I want to live – also, I feel that I will be able to make new friends (something which I have failed to do this first year of my PhD)… as I don’t respect myself now, how can I expect other people to respect me? And how can people who don’t respect me like me?…… maybe I will even meet a nice girl – I probably should have told you before that I am a 25 year-old virgin, that is, more or less the lowest of the low as far as our society is concerned. There is nothing wrong with me: people say I am good-looking, I’m fairly intelligent, and my personality probably isn’t that bad…. and I see a lot of people who seem to have absolutely nothing going for them enjoying very full sex lives… maybe I am too shy, or maybe I was just unlucky… Well, that’s more or less all I had to say – probably I’ve said far too much and it won’t post anyway, which is just as well, not that it matters if anyone reads this – what do I care if people I’ve never met hold me in contempt? (normally I don’t talk to people about my problems – probably I come across as confident, maybe even successful and happy) And that’s the end of that stream of rubbish………

Leave a Reply

Name and Mail are optional. Your email address is however required if you want to subscribe to the comments (see below)

This site uses User Verification plugin to reduce spam. See how your comment data is processed.

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.