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Posted by on 2012/09/30 under Uncategorized

A girl I knew my whole life, she was 21, committed Suicide. My mom got a call, she screamed into the phone ‘What?’ and then broke down crying. I didnt get it. She hung up and looked at me, told me that girl was dead.
I didnt react. I couldnt. All I said was, ‘Who said that?’ and it had been my aunt. My mom cried, and I just starred at her. Nothing. What had caused her death? Hanging. Her? She smiled too much to kill herself… I still didnt get it.
We walked into the funerul home, looked at some photos of her, and then got in line to say good-bye.
I caught a glimps of her purple-ish face. I looked away and started breathing hard. My eyes were wide and I was shaking. People looked at me and I started crying. She really was gone. Even though I couldnt make out the features of her face, I still saw that purple. Thats all I needed.
I walked over to her best friend, my first cousin, and sat with her, and my aunt. I couldnt say good-bye. Ill never say good-bye to such a beautiful soul.
Last time I saw her, was only a month or two before. The family got together and we were going to get KFC. Me, Her, And my cousin got in the car, her in the passanger seat and moy cousin driving. I sat in the middle in the back. They played Eminem loudly. I was happy. They were what I looked up to and what I wanted to be, so I took a photo on my phone, of them looking at the road, just like sitting in the middle, not of their faces. I made that my background.
If I had told her she was my role model, would she still be here? Maybe she just needed to know people loved her? Could just those words have made her stay? Knowing I could have saved her makes me hate myself more then ever. I cant even tell my live cousin shes my role model. But maybe, If I had told them, she could be alive.

With regrets,

AllyNa

One thought on “What If?

  1. Allyn says:

    I miss you still, Maria.

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