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Posted by on 2012/08/26 under Uncategorized

I’ve grown to hate living since I was nine. My parents had always fought, but when they actually decided to get divorced was when I noticed it most. My step-dad (which I felt was like my biological dad since he had been raising me along with my mom since I was four) abandoned me along with his side of the family. Sure. Things like this happen all the time with families. Dads are just walking out all over the place. What hurt more than anything, was that he was going to adopt me. It was only a month until it would have been finalized, and instead he said straight to face that I was not his child. That my siblings were his children and actually related to him by blood. I fell into a really bad depression after that. I truly thought that I was worthless. Since my mom and I were practically best friends, I admitted to her that I was looking for sleeping pills. That I was wanting to take the whole bottle and die. It wasn’t long until my mom and my “aunt” had put me into a mental hospital. It didn’t help. I still isolated myself from everyone at school and never smiled or talked. I lost all my friends that year. It only got worse because my mom would always bring her boyfriends over and I thought of it as one of the worst things in the world. I missed my dad. Later, we moved into an apartment. I was starting middle school and things got a little better. I made new friends, but none of them are close to me. They know barely anything about me. At least it was better than having no friends at all though. Life had dropped again though. My grandma passed away slowly from cancer. It was the most horrible thing to witness. She slowly progressed to wear she couldn’t move at all or remember anything. When she finally passed, my mom fell apart. She would watch the video from the funeral over and over again. Obviously, she was grieving. But she didn’t grieve how she should have. She resorted to drugs, smoking, drinking, and dating. When we moved into my Aunts house, it got a little better again. Then my aunt found out about my little secret. I’ve been cutting myself or scratching myself since 6th grade. We moved again, away from some of that drama, but my mom got into a huge fight with my aunt, and it ended with my aunt saying how much she never wanted to see my mom again. This is where my story almost comes to a stop. I’m currently 13. My mom and I move in with her friend… and she passes away from overdosing on her friends medication. This was last summer. It was the worst sight in my life. My mom, my best friend, was dead. I feel like I’ve been left alone in this world with no one to talk to. And the only thing I wish for is for someone I’m comfortable with, to know me. Know I’m suffering, and comfort me, because bottling it up like I am now… is eating away at me piece by piece. My biological father that is actually related to me is terrible. He recently bought his 6th wife. He does drugs. He wants to see me, and maybe have custody of me. I live with my grandpa at the moment and I hope it stays that way, although, he’s not affectionate at all. And cheap. Tells me about tragedies that I don’t need to know about and never stops telling me lectures about school. My grades have fallen. I went to being a straight A student to having a D in math. I don’t want to look at the rest. Counselling doesn’t help. I go at least once a week but it’s hard to talk to her. I hate it because it makes my uncomfortable. I don’t know what to do with myself.
After writing this, I guess I’ve vented a little.

2 thoughts on “If only someone knew me…

  1. Anonymous says:

    I am so sorry sweetie! I know what its like to feel alone as if nobody really cares anymore and as if nobody is there to comfort you. Let me just tell you that you are not alone and NOBODY hates you!! Life can be really rough but hey that’s life. I went from being a rich girl from a private school to a girl that attends a public school when my mom can’t afford anything and my dad doesn’t care. He doesn’t care if my sister and I were to starve. And he didn’t even want me in his own wedding. My mom and I get into fights all the time. And my best friend who i’ve known my whole life has cancer. Like I said life is rough and I’ve learned it isn’t worth taking your life away because what good is that? You could be going to off to college to start a new career and starting your whole new life or maybe getting married and having children. But one little cut, one little bullet, one little knife could just change it all, it could change your whole life ahead of you. You don’t want that trust me. YOU ARE STRONG ENOUGH! AND YOU CAN GET THROUGH THIS!<3 You might not know me but just know that I love you, yes it will sound weird but you now know that even a stranger like me loves you<3 STAY STRONG!:)

  2. sara says:

    hey im so sorry this is so tragic but u know what? its life , its like a roller coaster either u enjoy the ride or scream , so be strong dont cut urself and use ur parrents mistakes to learn from them not to make them again , try to get close to friends who u trust and vend with them , your a brave girl with a brave heart , im with u dont worry and i love u alot cause ive never seen stronger than u , pure heart god bless u and make ur life better <3 and im soo sorry about ur mom and granny its their life and ur mom if she really loved u she would have cared so u too dont care 😉 live ur live and be free , im here to help and i respect u alot , hope this helps and u get better and try to get close to the women u talk to every week it will help trust me 😀 wish u the best of luck for ever and always , lots of love <3 xoxoxo

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