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Posted by on 2012/08/13 under Uncategorized

So I’m at this point in my life that all I want to do is turn on slow music & cry. I have been letting every terrible in my life just keep building up and I just can’t take it anymore.
The people I thought were my friends have been stabbing me in the back, They blame me for things that I have no control over. I feel as thought the people I use to trust just don’t care about me anymore. As though I am an infectious disease that will destroy them. As if talking to me is the worst thing in the world. I feel like i let myself be consumed by my anti social habits cause I’m sure it’s not only their fault that they hate me. I have this thing that I just push everyone away but it’s because the only person I ever opened up to, thought I was pathetic, She thought that she was better than me and that the problems I had were just a mere facade to get friends.
Who is she to judge me, she doesn’t know what it’s like to be me. The constant psychological abuse I suffer at home from my mother, the sexual molestation I went through as a child, one to many times have I almost been raped, the amount of males that have cheated on me. I feel like I am the one to blame. What the f*** is wrong with me. I can’t even understand why I hate myself so much.
But it’s not like i have the balls to take my life, that would end my suffering but make people that love me suffer.

I guess I should just keep my head up right? Keep smiling because you never know who will fall in love with your smile, hopefully someone who could take away this pain.

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