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Posted by on 2012/08/10 under Uncategorized

so i thought this summer was going to be different. i thought i would actually have fun but nope. it was more like hell summer. the last week of school was terrible so i started my summer off with basically no friends. and i felt as if though everything was crashing down. you think your friends are there for you but when you screaming crying out for help they suddenly become deaf. at the time people were making up rumors about me and i had this one girl text me some horrible things and that was my breaking point. this was the beginning of summer. and while that was going on my mom was at risk of losing her job because of a change in management. so she was barely home working her butt of. all in the same week i found out my auntie had breast cancer. i was so alone. im usually the type of person that is SO thankful for everything i still am. im so thankful for everything i have but i didnt understand why this was all happening all at once. so i got into deep depression this summer.. i just wanted to stay home and i kept pulling people down because i was so sad. many nights were spent crying. and do you ever get sad for no reason? like you’re so sad but you dont know why, theres no reason, it just happens.. happens to me all the time. i dont wanna be like this anymore. like they say.. happiness is choice. but sometimes its so hard to be happy. and you try to be strong and fake a smile everyday but its so hard. things are getting better now.. i still have loneliness inside of me. i dont know.. do people who go are going through adolescence experience this?

does anyone feel like s*** all the time? its like i hate MYSELF so much and all my thoughts are mostly negative but when it comes to other people i find beauty in them.. but i cant find anything great about myself.. i feel like im nothing special. not beautiful..not good enough. but im not one to give up. im gonna try. but i feel like no one is even there for me.. i guess thats why im writing this here.. i dont have anywhere else to go..

i just want to be happy.

And to people hurting out there.. stay strong..

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