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Posted by on 2012/08/07 under Uncategorized

once upon a time i truely believed i would be happy one day and that things would get better. now I am at the point where i dont know what to do with my life, at all. expecially my relationship. i love this idiot more than anything and i get nothing in return. he doesnt kiss me, hug me, hell he doesnt even smile at me. I want to get back to how it was when we first got together and i dont know how to make it that way, or if he even wants it that way. I feel like he still doesnt know waht he wants out of life. yes he has said he loves me, and he is still here, but actions speak louder than words. He acts like he doesnt like me 90% of the time and the rest of the time he isnt saying anything very nice. i am stupid, a b****, good at nothing, disrespectful, ungrateful. according to him most of the time i am the worst girlfriend in the world. I wish i knew what he needed to be happy….or what i needed to be happy. after almost 6 years i cant keep doing the same thing over and over. my family is a mess, i just feel like there is so much going on I cant keep track or control anything. I am supposed to start school in a couple weeks, I have no car, no daycare, no plan. I feel so alone its ridiculous. I feel like everyone else is so unahppy right now that i cant be happy if i tried. more than anything i want my relationship to work. i dont want to be another girl that sat around waiting for a guy to let her down. I want to get married and have kids and live a nice life with vacations and whatever else and at this point in time i just dont see or know how the hell that will happen. I feel so alone, nobody knows what its like to be me…and they are honestly lucky. part of the reason nobody understands is because i dont talk about anything, all anyone does is judge or guve their unwanted input. I guess when it comes down to it i just need a friend. lately I have been trying to not talk at all. maybe then i can avoid most of the fights that are literally about nothing. I dont want to give up but i dont want to live like this. I dont know what to do anymore.

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