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Posted by on 2012/07/18 under Uncategorized

I have tried reaching out so many times, to my mom, my friends, anyone who would listen. Everyone I’ve ever tried to get help from has put it off as me just trying to get attention, so i hide. I know im getting worse because everyday is becoming a struggle, I feel like im homesick to a place that doesnt even exist. I dont feel like i belong here, like im supposed to be somewhere else, be somebody else. The people i thought were my closest has left me, just a day ago i lost two of the people i called bestfriend, little did i know it was all fake, im sickend to the point of where i cannot believe that a human being would do something so sick as to team up with someone and get the deepest secrets out of a very broken person and then tell everyone. Even my own mother, she doesnt believe what im going through with her is “that bad.” Shes dragged me through her worst with her, through her countless boyfriends and drugs to months in rehab and now shes moving us around like we dont have a place to live. My dads a complete douche and he doesnt count as a father to me anymore. I once had a person i thought would take his position, but i was wrong. I loved him so much more than anyone would have thought, in my mind he was my dad. But my mom left him for some douche with two demon children. Everythings so much worse on my perspective, but it seems that this is the only perspective. i can feel my mind spiining out of control,im losing it and im the only one who even notices. I miss my big brother. This thought kills me everyday, if i can just see him once more i would be fine for a while, but since he was taken away form mom when i was 10 i have bareky seen him. i know he is doing well because i talk to him sometimes, but it doesnt mean i dont still feel the pain for not being able to see him. Does anybody else know what im feeling… how did you get help? are you coping now? are you happy? how? The worst part of this is, im 15 and i would kill, to be dead. which is why im feeling my life come to a close, nobody should have to feel this. so why do i?

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