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Posted by on 2011/08/01 under Uncategorized

I’m 53 and it feels like my life is over. My 86 year old mother moved in with us, so I had to quit my job to become her 24 hour a day caregiver. I love her but I HATE this! HATE THIS! She is so needy! I have to test her sugar, give her medications, dress her, bathe her, cook her meals, do her laundry, help her to the toilet, brush her dentures, put salve on her butt, changes the bandages on the diabetic sores on her feet, cut up her food, pluck long hairs off her chin, and be at her beck and call constantly. The doctor appointments are never-ending. Taking her out in a wheelchair is an exhausting ordeal. She is terrified of being alone, so I can’t even run out to the grocery alone.

My husband (who is a saint) tries to help but the stress is getting between us. I can’t pay any attention to my rowdy teenage son because I’m too busy with mom. She asked last night why everyone is so grumpy, so I told her the truth: I’m getting resentful and angry that her life has swallowed up my own. And all she could say was, “Why can’t you just love me enough?” And when I said, “So, as long as YOU are happy, you don’t care if anyone else is?” and she just sadly nodded.

Why can’t she love US enough to care what it is doing to our family? Why can’t she say, “I had the freedom to live my own life and you should have that freedom too”? Why can’t she soothe herself? She was free to do whatever she wants at age 50, so why can’t she go into a nursing facility and be content with our visits?

I don’t even shower anymore. I’ve stopped wearing makeup. Who cares? I can’t leave the house. I have Lupus and some days I can barely move. She knows this and says she is sorry, but she can’t/won’t do anything to ease the burden. With a baby, you know they will grow and your job will get easier. With her, it will only get worse. And the only way out will be when she passes away. Just to think that makes me feel like a ghoul. But now I’m moving on autopilot and can’t even reason out a solution. God…I’m so tired.

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