Somewhere To Write

Posted by Anonymous on 2012/05/23 under Uncategorized

It’s like my mind goes blank right before the pain comes. First it starts off small. Little things that remind me of him. Then they grow into more precious memories that make me miss him that much more.
It was only a few days ago that I saw him. I woke last Friday to two missed calls from him and a few texts. Which is so rare. He never calls or texts me first. It was a couple weeks before in which I remembered this month marks a year. One year ago I met him. I guess I had caught his attention with my random text. Just as I suspected, he had left his grimy indian girlfriend. I saw this coming, I just didn’t know when it was actually going to happen. Turns out now, I suppose.
So, off I go on the bus to go see him. Met him at a random gas station and he took me to see a movie. Though, in the movies…well what happens when you put him and I together alone? You should know the rest. Let’s just say I couldn’t wear my jacket out of the movies, for those of you who don’t catch on as easily. It was a short movie date, but I didn’t mind the car ride home with him. Unfortunately, Einstein over here played with white girl all night and hadn’t slept. So, he was pretty much half asleep the entire time. I didn’t mind. Any amount of time I get with him, is worth it.
Since then, nothing. Just like normal. Not a single text or call. That’s just how he rolls. Pops in and out of my life as he pleases. I hate it when he does that. He’s the one who left the biggest scar of them all. Whenever he just decides to see me, its like I relive the pain all over again. It’s not bad anymore. I’ve gotten quite used to it and I’m learning to let everything else make the pain go away.
Normally, I wouldn’t have anyone to talk to so I would just drown in my thoughts. Which is never good. Only, somehow this boy knows what I’m thinking when I’m thinking it. He knows my actions and can predict my words. He’s so precise it’s certainly scary. The only thing about this boy is that I have never met him. We met each other eight years ago. Over the internet. Through out those eight years of knowing each other, we’ve learned each other. I too know his thoughts and actions. When we talk it’s like we read each others mind. We play our little games like we’re back in middle school.
Well, for fantasies; this boy would be the greatest one of all. Sure, there’s always that first love but for me, something like this to come together would be a miracle. All we can do for now is see each other through a video camera and text messages. Either way, I’m perfectly fine with the way things are.
Naturally, he too isn’t always around when the pain comes. As a girl my age should normally be glued to a pillow drowning in tears, I’m quite opposite. I prefer a good ol’ toking. Nothing beats Mary Jane. The THC makes my mind go wild thinking of many different things other than the pain. It takes it away almost instantly. Within the first inhalation of it and I’m home free. Personally, my favorite is the side effects. Munchies, thirst, and floating. For those of you smokers, you know what I mean.
My current interest is in a certain anime that came about when I was just a baby. Give or take twenty some years ago. Call me a nerd, I enjoy the passing of time indulging in a cartoon. Until we meet again.

– S

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