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Posted by on 2012/05/06 under Uncategorized

I cant write ok .. then I will start in third person.. it Mr. D or let it be D == I

I have messed all things up I am not going to survive in this bloody world of money and appreciations.
I am hopelessly behind all of them. What should I do?
I got a great aportunity in hand to have a good job but I am messing things up..

I have done lot of damage to my self estim .. I had greate chances in life to do something or become something but all of them gone in vein so what do I do to get them back… but wait I cant … I cant because I am not god to get them back.. so what’s next should I do? should I do suicide.. no cause mom always says cowards only do such acts.. I got to do something… I should not do so much of timepass… Friday sir scolded me and till now I did not do anything.. he said he knows there are good things in me.. great chances are there for me in this organisation and still from two days I have not done not even a single f***ing thing.. I dont know where am I gona land … Oh and that creazy girl.. I know she has a boyfriend from last five years. The thing is that the boy is not much educated as both of us. That resulted in her sharing her technical issues with me for hours on phone. Lately, it became technical + personal + emotional and hours on the phone we talked. Now I trying to convince myself, that she is relationship and I too like(love?) talking with her. Should I tell her that? If I do then I am afraid that she wont understand and will not contact me again.
ANd why should I care? GO to hell madam I am not going to contact you again.. but I know I did wrong thing in here dont I.. I spread rumours about her and me in relationsheep and fell for that myself.. I speak a lot of lie to people .. Even My loving mom.. she always had some hopes for me that I will be doing some great things.. I had seen hopes for that.. Thanks for giving me such a platform to write things.. Its been 28 years.. I ralise that I do not speak to myself I never did it. I should have talked to myself .. there were chances there and they kept coming and they are gone I should I have taken them .. but again.. now there Is my LAST chance where … in If I perform well I will get something in hand ..Please perform the remaining chances… I should Do something for her.. my mom..
I will not let her down this time… agony is that I did not tell her the full truth … father also is hoping that I will do something .. I will now onwords… I have to do .. I have to do… there are things which bother.. me !! I will talk to myself .. There should be preferences that matter.. that is that matter to me most… things that should be my proirity .. things should not be done which hinder the ongoing things.. I should perform really well.. I have to do it… and WILL do it… COME ON MR. D….
LIST OF THINGS Are

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