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Posted by on 2012/04/04 under Uncategorized

Well I feel stuck in my life? I’m not the type of person to give on anything but lately I feel that no matter how hard I try I’m not getting anywhere same place same problems ,
Let me start from the beginning of my little story.
When I was a young boy I tried harder than most to make friends since I had no bothers till I was like 9 and basically it was like not having non at all since I couldn’t play with him or talk to him since he wouldn’t understand me. plus it change my life in different ways like I had someone to take care of. my father had to leave my house when I was like 11 since he cheated on my mother. I rebelled by acting out and fighting at school the people that I would so call my friend would make me fight there fights and I would since I thought I was actually doing something for them and having a good friend. I grew up doing that till I was 17 where I got beat up by a local gang and they ruined my left eye in witch case I still can’t see well.
I notice that when I had a problem no one stand up for me not even the people in which case I stand up for them for many years,. So once again I learned and saw I was alone I moved from that school went to another one and decided to never fight again since nothing really is resolve by fighting. I made some friend I witch when I graduated from high school at 18. none of them talked to me again so once again I learned I didn’t have anyone. this was all in my school days.
I’m going go back again to the beginning of the story to talk about my cousin with I was raise with him I had no one else we where together I had o brother to play with but he was the closes one to a brother. when we were alone at my house we would play all hours using our imagination and with the famous legos . when we would be with all my other cousins I was an outsides the all had brothers or sister more or less their ages except for me so when they all got together they would bully me. I find it funny that at m school was always kicking but with my cousins I wouldn’t touch them because there where family, and I always thought you never hot family. still to this day it my motto. so when me and my cousin hit collage at 19 my cousin got married I had left my house because I was having too much problems with my stepdad back the he basically hated me I would remind him of my father. so I started living with my Grandmother (mother of my father ) my American family. So I lived in a room me and my computer that was about it. So then I was there for 1 year I had to leave because my aunt hated my for a honest mistake: what happened was my aunt was dating this guy that was her boss and it was all cool. one night I went to a bar with my cousin before he married. 2 guys went up to us to play a 2 vs 2 pool game it was all ok.
we started talking they worked in the same place my aunt did I mentioned my aunt and they knew who she was. they were kind of drunk o they basically started to talk stupid stuff about my aunt thing like she’s so hot she so beautiful etc etc. so it bothered me that they were talking about her like that so I mentioned she was dating the guy to let them know they have to respect. but for my surprise a few day later my aunt stop talking to me and was looking at me all crooked I learned the guy was married and my aunt was the other woman if you get my drift. so I had to leave since she was always on me bothering me. so I left to my other Grandmothers House (my mother family). I lived there for 1 year my father called me asking me if I would live with him since he was getting divorce and he didn’t want to feel lonely and that he would help me in any ways I needed.
I’ve never as a young adult or even a teenager had lived with my dad so I said Yes to his proposition I left my job I left collage I left everything and went on to live with him. in all this time I had only 1 goal in life I wanted to be a federal agent I was so driving to becoming that.
then I was 6 month unemployed in a apartment alone in a city I didn’t know anything about all alone.
sometime while I was alone in the house the light would go off or the water would go out cause my father would forget to pay off the electric bill or the water bill and I had to pay it off with my credit cards since my father had no credit cards because he had bad credit. my mother always thought me to be responsible and pay my bills so I always did that.
So 6 month later I got a job as a sales person for a very big company and it actually went very well for me.
one day my father felt bad we cheeked him at the doctors after a few checkup we got the news that he had to get a open heart surgery. so for like 4 to 7 month I paid the bill and everything else plus I took care of him and my grandmother as well help a lot. my father got better after a while everything got back to normal.
A few month later I found a better apartment that paid more less the same thing but we had more commodities like a pool and a gym stuff like that. In this time I was training for over a year for my 2PT there to go to the federal academy. The a few years past the federal agency left my waiting for a while.
I got unemployed. 8 moth late my father got unemployed I was receiving unemployment funds 600 dollars to be exact monthly for me my girlfriend my father and grandmother my father didn’t get unemployment cause the company didn’t want to pay it. that another long story that ended in nothing.
you know I never tough it would happen to me but I actually had day that the only thing I eat on all day was 1 piece of bread we had noting we lost everything I kept my hopes on the federal agent thing but then it all started happening little by little for 3 long years. first they didn’t accept me because supposal the didn’t receive my finger print sheets that delayed me a lot then they didn’t want to accept me because of my eye I had to go to a DR for her to make me a note saying I could see enough to go to the academy, then they made me do the first PT test like 3 times it took forever. while all this happened I got to get my own apartment with my Girl friend I was unemployed for over 1 year I found a few part time jobs that came and went like nothing I stopped training cause I lost all motivation for a while the one day I got the call after 3 1/2 long years they called me to give me an opportunity they called me a Wednesday at 3 PM to go Thursday at 7am about a 2 hour drive to do my second PT test I did awesome at the 250 yard sprint I did great at the push up and the sit ups and for my surprise I got a low sugar attack and wasn’t able to finish on time the 1 1/2 mile event my dream was crushed again. I reapplied again and I was rejected since they said they sent me a email witch I never received so it got rejected I reapplied again I applied for another agency witch after 1 year and a half waiting I wasn’t chosen for one of the agencies and now still waiting on the other one. I’m working for a company full time that they basically exploits the employees for 50 hours a week doing a bunch of stuff that it would take me forever to explain for 8.75 an hour. I’ve dream of having a good career to have a beautiful house but its basically impossible for me to do this is why I feel stuck in life my girl is pregnant I’m in a mediocre job I can’t buy a house I live in a crapy apartment that the roof is basically falling I have 1 care which we share that almost all broken down. I’m super stuck in life with no friend no one to help I’ve helped many people in my life no one helped me not even when I had nothing to eat or anywhere to stay I basically was on the streets I keep on trying to be positive I try to keep on going with my federal career but it basically impossible I wish someone would at least give me a great job I would be good at and win good money I don’t have anything so this is my way of expressing myself I don’t have anything else to do. well I hope I kind of entertain a few of you with my sucky life I can’t write everything in super detail or go with every story detail or ill need like 100 pages . I just wanted to get it all out of my chest. Sorry for the bad grammar.

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