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Posted by on 2022/01/25 under Life

I guess lately I haven’t been liking myself. I’m judging the way I look and think. I feel like I have no one to talk to. I’m always the person who checks up on people and asks if there okay but I never get the same in return. Or do they just keep me around so they look prettier. I’m a bigger girl and that already comes with it’s challenges but I don’t know how to beat them. I’m 15 years old and have already felt this way since like 5th grade. I’m feel that if what I’m feeling goes any further I’m afraid of what will happen to me. I don’t know who to talk to. I mean even if I do talk to a therapist or friends or family after the Conversation is over those feeling and thought Aren’t gonna go away. The world will still be turning and I will still be here like I always have. I know this sounds cliche but was is life worth living for. My whole life has just felt repetitive that I dint know where it has started or when I will stop. I’m so scared of being alone and failing that it haunts me at night sometimes. I’m so scared that I will amount to nothing that I don’t even wanna try. Why am I here. I don’t know what steps to take to the finish line, I mean for god sake I cant even see the finish line anymore. I love my mom and dad so very much and the couple good friends I have but I just wish that I would disappear sometimes. I wish I had some place where I could go and be by myself with no questions asked. But for me I know that’s impossible. Regardless if I sought out “help” I know I would be the same person walking out that I was walking in. The only difference is that I would find a better way to hide how I feel. I’m convinced that no one can truly Help me and change the way i feel regardless who you are. I’m so depressed and scared. I don’t know what to do anymore.

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