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Posted by on 2021/08/04 under Life

I always want the best for people, I don’t want them to doubt their abilities or who they are, I can always see good and beauty in everyone I meet, I have healthy relationships because I understand how to (I often don’t feel worthy). I stay when I’m unhappy because of holding back communication and not wanting to hurt anyone ever, call it self esteem issues if you want. I am confident in myself. I put up with s*** I shouldn’t. After I communicate what I need it gets forgotten and by the time I see changes I’m tired of the relationship and I don’t want to try (this is when the bad decisions come in). I often think that I could go without romantic love and just have intimacy. I have issues. I was an abused child, I had a parent that was dependent upon me, I have issues trusting, I want to push people away and I don’t think I’m worthy of any love sometimes. I do think I hide a little bit of who I am from my partner because I don’t think they would still love me. The love I’ve received in the past and maybe now seems to always have limits. I would want someone I care about to live by their morals ethics boundaries but I feel I always give up mine and give in just to have them put their foot down. I like my alone time and I at times feel suffocated when I’m in relationships. I question if I’ve been in love romantically. I know I’ve felt strongly for only one person but I’m not allowed to love them and at times I question if it was love or something else. I realize that I need romantic love I just constantly am in fear of it. Love confuses me.

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