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Posted by on 2021/06/12 under Life

i left my old company because the job was too easy and tedious and i wanted growth.

i joined a company that facilitates my growth but now i also want to leave it because it's burning me out. all of the metrics. the constant pressure to perform better.

i wonder if it's just this specific job, but no, it seems that people in other roles are crazily busy as well.

i don't know why but i definitely don't want to work so hard??? like no time to breathe throughout the day.

i think being busy may be ok, but too busy… not ok.

having metrics is ok… too many metrics… unrealistic expectations… not ok.

maybe i'm just not cut out to be in the corporate world. at least not as someone who does the work u know vs those in management whose job is to talk us into working even harder for them.

oh well if u can't beat them join them. i don't know if i can do so though??? because i am too kind i will feel damn bad for the people i manipulate. thinking about it, i feel so disgusted of the managers. but can they really have good intentions???? like they think they're coaching us so that we can become better??? but they definitely don't want to coach us to replace them soon la, become better but u either stay there to make more money for me or do something else but not what i'm doing ok. shiat.

i don't want to be the middle management that submit to the top management's ideas and force them down the throats of my team. no.

i think i just have to accept that i am different that way, and find my own route. it's pointless to compete with people who i know i can't win. actually i think i can win if i think the reward is attractive enough. but the reward is not what i want.

omg crisis. i'm afraid i will make the mistake i did during my uni time. at that time i didn't study at all i spent whole day playing game. i also wanted to find alternatives because i didn't find the studies super interesting or what. i was damn lost. so i stopped doing things because i was depressed. yes i had depression i was scared of people i didn't even contact my family.

fortunately i managed to spring out of the mud and started to live again. i started to find my worth again. i realized i was not bad at certain things leh! like at that time, public speaking. eh i was actually good. not the best but good enough to get small awards ok!

i haven't stopped trying my best since the wakeup. I have always been trying and trying. Other than misspending on beauty services the first 1.5 years in singapore (cos i used to indulge in cheap beauty services in vn haha) i learned my lessons – i also know that the services though nice are not necessary la. many of them are just frauds.)

ok other than that i think i've done a good job for the past 7 years!!! OMG that's crazy it's been 7 years since i graduated. i truly have gone a long way to achieve what i have today and i'm quite happy with what i am having now.

yes recently working with fresh grads brought back my memories and make me feel pressured about having to compete with them if not i would fail again. actually it doesn't make sense la. I'm old enough to know that we're not in school anymore. From here life is not so straight-away. People like A. who is damn street smart (and of cos born into a rich family la) knows how to make millions without any sweat, people like C. who is also very smart but slogs his days away for the next 50 years. People like R. who is super smart too who will make big bucks in big corps but also slogs her days away for years and years. So who do i want to become? Of cos i want to become A. la.

i want to invest and do business. not being a puppet manager in a big corp. not selling my soul and my time and my health to other people. ok la nothing wrong if u want to do so because this world needs all types of there are many ways you can choose to lead your life. u only live once. choose the way of life that makes u happy.

so yeah i know i want to find smart ways to earn a big sum of money and then start trading. i also want to have a relaxed job that pays the bills (not so big bills la with my current lifestyle that i enjoy – but of course if i can buy nicer food then it's good haha but no need to buy too many foods later become obese and die of heart diseases lol).

i also know that i need to choose my job smartly. i'm old already if i choose to do the entry job with the fresh grads i will not be able to compete and even if i can it's a waste of time!!!

now i don't think i even want to join G. look at the job ad why they are always hiring for that position?? something wrong there.

when my kids are older and my finances are more stable i will want to open a biz! 🙂

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