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Posted by on 2021/01/24 under Life

She's not coming back. The girl I once knew that played Zombies with me and grew to like Warzone with me. She's not coming back. She fell out of love long before I did. All those memories. I'd rather not think about them now. I used to look back on them and be happy. But now I know that she doesn't feel as strongly anymore. I annoy her. I bring her down without even trying. I tell her I love her but she doesn't feel compelled to say anything back. She tells me to stop when I try to show that I care. It's not pointless… just futile. I never knew how painful it is to fall out of love. I want to love her. Show her I care. But I can only do so much from a distance before it all feels the same. How do I reignite that fire that was once lit? How do I make her love me again? I don't. All those nights playing, learning about each other, laughing at all our bad jokes. I took them for granted. If I had known they would've ended sooner I would've tried to make the best of them.  But now she's cold. She's looking for me in someone else. And there's nothing I can do about it. All I can do is wait. Wait for her to figure herself out. Wait for her to see that I truly loved her until she pushed me away. I can only do so much, say so much. My heart can't take it anymore. I can no longer say I love you without truly feeling it. I was so slow. I kept holding on to that version of her that I loved but she's no longer that person. She's healing herself, understanding herself, changing herself. She's a broken person that thinks no one else in the world truly cares. I wish I could make her feel differently. I wish I could drive to her and finally meet her. Even if it's just for an hour or two. And drive all the way back. I want to make her feel love that she's never felt before. I want her to know that I never wanted to leave. But that's not what she wants anymore. She fell out of love long before I did. How can I love so much without ever meeting in real life? Why is it so painful to fall out of love? I feel so stupid. No other guy would feel this way. Everyone else would just say "oh just move on to the next" like it's so easy. It's not. How could it be so easy to find another girl like her? How could it be so easy to feel for another person? I craved for her attention. I would long for it. I was obsessed. I would wake up in the morning and she would be the first thing on my mind. Every hour of every day I wanted to know how she was feeling, what she was doing, and if her day was going alright. I would wait all day just for a few hours of spending time with her at night and most nights now she's either too busy or caught up with another guy she might be interested in having feelings for. She no longer wants my love. She was done with it a long time ago. She no longer needs my love. And it's no longer mine to give. What would it take for that fire to start again? What would it take for me to love her again as much as she loved me back then? It doesn't matter. It's all up to her now if she wants it back. I can no longer do anything to spark that fire again. All those memories of that girl I knew. They're no longer mine or hers to hold. It's truly over. I have to move on.

2 thoughts on “That Girl I Once Knew

  1. Anonymous says:

    I am not being offensive or mean here but I don’t understand why are you finding another “her” in this large world. you know that there’s no another her AND she’s unique but you need to accept and know that everyone’s unique in their own way. And people change, you knew the girl who was with you but now she isn’t with you anymore that doesn’t mean she’s different or somebody else. She’s the same girl without you!I guess you need to start fresh, hold onto good, leave behind the negativity, stop dwelling on the past(trust me holding onto past sucks)!! Just stop finding another person and focus on yourself, love yourself. Try to get over the obsession you have with her by engaging yourselves in any new good hobbies…. I was-am obsessed with a guy and I do know there’s nobody like him, I still do want him to be mine but I know it ain’t happening , he’s so simple but at the same time he stands out in the crowd or atleast I see him that way, so I thought it would be best if I stop on looking for special and different and unique boys or moving from one person to other and just focus on myself , on how I could improve my negative points, on how I could grow mentally and physically strong, learning new things, spending time with friends and family, caring and making myself and the relations I have with my family more strong. I guess, you need to make yourself strong and stable and love yourself, focus on yourself…

  2. Anonymous says:

    And don’t hope that she’ll be coming back when you start fresh , don’t hope anybody will come back whether it’s she or someone else. A new beginning is for you not for others, you could turn over the page and write for you, about you and only you (don’t become self-centered while doing it or be arrogant lmao), you need to be there for you, and also don’t look or find somebody else to help you while starting fresh or focusing on yourself cause when they’re gone you’ll again be sad, I guess. Just help yourself, rely on yourself, focus on yourself, be strong in yourself but don’t be self-centered, arrogant or stuck-up type , etc.. I hope you understand what I am trying to tell you.

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