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Posted by on 2021/01/10 under Life

you're fat you're broken you don't matter you're weak you're ugly you're damaged you're dumb you're broken -things people have said to me 🙂 you can just smile through your pain and pretend you're okay even if you now you're not. walk away from people who put you down from fights that will never be resolved walk away from trying to please people who will never see your worth the more you walk away from things that poison your soul the healthier you will be I didn't walk away. Nobody knows the real me nobody knows how many times I've cried in my room when no one was watching nobody knows how many times I've been let down nobody knows how many times I've lost hope no body knows how many times I've felt I'm about to snap but don't for the sake of others nobody knows the thoughts that go through my head when I'm sad how horrible they truly are. nobody knows the real me. you don't matter give up NOBODY KNOWS HOW MUCH I OVERTHINK SCENARIOS AND HOW I COULD HAVE STOPPED THEM OR PLAYED SITUATIONS DIFFERENTLY. nobody knows I think which tower should I jump off. nobody will ever love me until I love myself which would be never. insecurities you are not perfect, depression nobody cares about you, anxiety what if you're not good enough. I will cry if I express my feelings which is why I don't. feeling like the last piece of bread because no one wants me. I want to be alone when I'm sad but then I also want someone to talk to endless paradox. 1-800-273-8255. I gave you my world and you gave me depression. I'm not sure if I'm depressed I mean I'm always sad but even in the sad I can laugh and joke about and smile and I hide it so well. you learn a lot by being silent. being in love is like giving someone a gun pointing it to your heart and trusting them not to pull the trigger. if I talk to you its not because I need you to listen or that I need to talk its because I trust you and it feels right. you don't truly love someone until they hurt you and you still think they are the greatest person in the world. love is the most violent act. every time I feel happy I get a flood of sadness and that's because that's what I think of myself. I pretend I'm okay when in fact I'mm just sad and don't want to get into it. some people don't realise that its sometimes the little comments that hurt the most. you hurt me I cry, I hurt you I cry. I miss the days when: pencils were broken, not promises. tears were fake, not smiles. friends made us laugh, not FRIENDS. I hate how I get sad over the littlest things. THIS NEXT ONE IS A CYCLE. I meet someone, we talk, I get attached, they leave. that 'ignoring each other' game can turn into not hearing from me again real quick. I don't get it you said I'm important to you but you still make me feel like I'm not worth your time. it's hard to forget someone who gave you so much to remember. I know I say I'm 'okay' a lot but deep down I'm broken and I just didn't want to bother you. that feeling you get in your stomach when your heart gets broken it's like all the butterflies just died. you can never be just friends with someone you are in love with. no one cares if I'm sad anyway. people change why? because they were to nice they've been betrayed replaced and forgotten by those they trusted. do you ever visit an old place and sit where you made memories and smile because you thought it was forever. there is so much I want to say but no to be with you that's all I want. I have an addiction I must stop, 'breathing' it's boring according to Sherlock. 'It's just a stupid band' yeah sure it's just a stupid band but you know what that stupid band was there when you weren't that stupid and explained how I felt through lyrics that stupid band made me laugh cry smile and have the ability to change my mood easily that stupid band mean more to me than most people I know that stupid band is my life and you know what that stupid band saved my life. I heard something about you well go hear it again because I don't give a flying feck. no offence but feck you for using me to make you feel happy until you feel like you didn't need me anymore and left me wondering what I did wrong. lately I'm more into music and talking to myself than people. I don't think they changed they simply became who they always were. sometimes home doesn't feel like home and I think of running out into the rain and just lying there in the road. I don't care if you don't like me you b****es hardly like yourself. all I do when I get home is eat listen to the same songs on repeat. if someone comes across your mind check on them God did that for a reason. I'll never want someone as much as I want you. I'm single and I'm still getting my heart broken, pretending to be okay it's killing me slowly. people can talk rubbish about me and I'll just sit and say ooh I've got myself a little fan club. every single person you meet in your life will end up hurting you, you just have do decide which people are worth it. I'm so damn nice so if you see me being mean to someone, they earned it. I will not be your second choice, when you have always been my first. My cat died today-8th December. THIS WAS ALL WRITTEN FROM MY BOOK SO SORRY IF THE GRAMMAR IS POOR. it shouldn't be I always correct mine and other people.

2 thoughts on “idk

  1. Anonymous says:

    I can relate to you. I’m sure many can and that hurts. I cried reading this. I really wish you love, hope, happiness, self esteem and all the good this world has to offer.

  2. Anonymous says:

    thank you I wish you the same and a good week 🙂

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