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Posted by on 2021/01/07 under Life

I need to be writing my essay but I need to clear my mind. I know that other generations have definitely had it harder but I feel like my generation has had to grow up so fast as well. I remember in kindergarten coming home from school and seeing on the tv about how this kindergarten class got shot up and just being confused about why someone would do that not yet connecting the dots that those kds and their teacher were now dead. I remember in third grade how we had a gun scare one time in school and being scared that it was going to happen to me. I remember that same year wanting to play soccer with some of the boys in my after school program but being told that I couldn't becuase I was a girl and girls don't play soccer and that girls can't be god at sports in general. I remember in seventh grade the teacher going over what to do in case of a school shooter and realizing that they weren't teaching us how to survive, we are being taught how to drag out our deaths as long as possible. Someone with a gun isn't going to be like oh s*** he has a water bottle I guess I should just turn myself in. Just now I made the connection that if those kids who died in the school shooting attack had survived they would have been my age. I can't help but think of all the good memories they could have had, the hobbies they could have started, the food they could have tried. They would have been my age, they could have been my friends my classmates. Now I just feel so at lost for some kids I never even knew. I don't know, I've heard the story countless times before but now it just feels so real. That quite literally could have been me that day. They would have been my age they would have been my age they would have been my age. When I was little I remember thinking how magical the world seemed. How awesome it would be to finally be a grown up with a cool job. The world seemed to have more color. Those kids probably did too. What happened happened so long ago but they would have been my age. Now I feel like I almost have to live their lives for them like I'm a depressed possibly gay bastard but now I feel like if anyone every says "guns don't kill people do" my life is almost a testament to the life they could have lived but never got the chance. It just feels so real right now and I have an essay due at 9:25 AM Friday morning that I need to finish revising but I just can't concentrate. This is such a f***ed up world but I'll keep on living somehow finding a reason to wake up the next morning because it's the life they never got to live I feel like I owe it to them or something you know

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