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Posted by on 2020/10/20 under Life

I can’t remember a time when someone actually cared about or loved me but this person does. Here I am hurting the only person that loves and really cares about me. I’ve been so self destructive not only hurting myself now but in the long road. I don’t want to hurt them but I don’t know how to change and I’m really going through something that I won’t allow myself to come out of. Thinking of suicide again. I understand that’s so dramatic but I don’t want to be around. I feel desperate. I have a horrible support system. People only want to know things about me not know me. They want to use me sexually or for some faulty power that they receive from battles in their own head to empower their ego. Then others that should be there for me but are stuck mentally somewhere between blaming their parents and having a grand amount of jealousy for others, and somehow it’s taken out on me. Funny how you think you’re filling one hole and you’re only creating another. I am grossed out by my actions but I only continue. I’ve lost all self respect, morals, values and I’m slowly falling apart. Just another negative selfish

One thought on “Yeah another one of these or them

  1. Anonymous says:

    Some seek pain, others wish avoid it, some want to inflict it, others want to end it.
    Pain is part of life that we all endure, it makes us both stronger and weaker in body and mind! It serves more than one purpose!

    Have sex for your own self and not for others until you are sure it is for a mutual love for one another. Then share it!

    Why do you seek to change when others are the ones who need to change? Simply avoid the situation and you will see its them and not you!

    Everyone cares about them-self and wants care from others sooner or later. I doubt you or anyone will ever read minds well enough to know their internal thoughts and motives. Only what which you emotionally perceive under the circumstances, that which surround you physically and emotionally!
    Thus we only assume we know the thoughts of others based on the perceptions of our own emotional states! So don’t dwell on that until you have a better perception on life. Dwell on what you want, what you need, what the others equally bring to the table.
    Don’t give or accept nothing less, only in times of weakness! as no one is strong forever and consistently.

    Do you fall and need a hand, others fall as well and need that same hand!
    its only when you constantly fall others tire of offering a hand and expect something in return, else they feel they are being used and will avoid it.

    Do you want more from others than you do your own self? Life is give and receive (not take), share your life, but with the person you care for, just make sure they care for you as well.

    Piss on the thought of suicide, you will never reach the goal of what you want if you give up! Everyone suffers in this world whether they show it or not. You are not waling the road alone even though you feel you are!

    Life is not entrapment, we entrap ourselves in a life, so no matter how little the hole, do your best to fill it with that which helps you continously fill the next hole in your life. But Realize others may fill and feel the same way and be just as reluctant to fill and Feel the holes and voids as well.

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