Posted by Anonymous on 2020/07/30 under Life I feel very trapped and unhappy with my husband. So stupid of me that I have picked him. We have a lot of differences too different that we clashed. Can someone tell me what I should do. I have considered getting a divorce but I haven’t told him of my thoughts. I wish I can hang myself and not have to deal with this anymore. Well here are the things I want as a husband
Care for me and my family
Respect me and my family
Not stingy
Enjoy trying different cuisines
Likes to explore different countries
Doesn’t have to be rich but comfortable
Doesn’t have to be handsome or tall
Have a good heart
Not into designer brands
A humble man
Not into gambling
Hard working
Your list is not feasible, I would suggest you remove.
Designer brands
Enjoy trying different cuisine
Likes to explore different countries
Doesn’t have to be rich but comfortable
Doesn’t have to be handsome or tall.
If you have kids stay together until they are 22 or older it’s your responsibility to suffer for them and their future is more important then yours. In that time may as well aim to suffer less with your partner (try to fix things) I would much prefer to aim at fixing things then suffer needlessly for a few years.
Path of least resistance choose the smallest thing on your list that requires the smallest change from your partner, let go of your expectations accept he will fail at it. It will take time. Reward your partner when he try’s not if he succeeds but when he try’s, show gratitude don’t have a negative reaction when he fails. show him he matters motivate him. Make it a fun game find your playfulness back in the relationship. As a woman you have a lot of power over your partner use it responsibly. reward and challenge your partner contend with him, he will desire you, look up to you and respect you, because your giving him so much.
Have an honest conversation about your suffering, don’t aim to be happy but aim to suffer less and find a connection again remember the past and why you’re with him. but before you do have that chat make a commitment to fix the relationship show him your committed. The fact that you are considering divorce before telling him of your thoughts indicates that you aren’t being truthful in your conversations.
Empower yourself your partner is the one person in the world you have the greatest expectations of to change and fix things, to love you, to be better. that’s a lot to put on anyone. You have that expectation of him and he has that of you. Its part of having love for someone. Family and lovers will always be the things that disappoint you the most in life unless you empower them and support them, unless your partner is a person of sheer will and determination someone that has their s*** together already and well-practiced at everything you’re asking, issue with that is, this hypothetical person practiced it and learnt it all from someone else not you)
Ask him if he is happy? what could you do better for him what gets him down, he might drop some booms like you may be wanting to do, don’t! When they come be honest if you can’t change or fix a behaviour say so. That’s no possible at this moment, negotiate, … what if I try this it’s better then were we are now, it’s a move in the right direction. Ask his help with it when you show a changed behaviour ask your partner to celebrate it with you. Make him acknowledge those efforts and reward you. If you can do this you will have a better understanding of how hard it is to change and put trust back into the relationship, you will get frustrated when you slip up and you would want your partner to be forgiving. This would help your awareness of what your asking of your partner and give you a better perspective.
This would also allow you both to practice the behaviour, motivate and reward each other build trust, accept your both going to mess up. As you both practice this and become competent at addressing each other’s needs. I am sure the rest will become easy.
Start small, be honest, practice, accept. Try first to learn and have an understanding of what your going to ask of your partner be kind to each other.
If you are too different to fix things at least you will have built up respect for each other shown each other you have tried acted out your love for each other. End things on a better note and have confidence is your decision to separate.