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Posted by on 2020/05/01 under Life

She got up, made the bed just to lay down back on it.
Due to responsibilities she had to make breakfast. As she makes her way gravity weights her down but not as much as the imbalance in her mind.
"What do you want to eat kids?" She asked but she really wants to crawl back to the place where she can hide. Her sleep allows her to be at rest. Blocking out the world became her strongest defense. Although she might not show it people have away of getting through even the hardest of barriers.
Three times she almost broke down today. The tears swelled her eyes, emotions of despair came over and all she could do was remind herself to breathe. She feels panicked because there's no control over what's in her head. She can't crumble, not out in public where people can see her cry. "Just take deep long breaths." Pops up in her mind. She knows how to try to calm herself but now if it only could just instantly happen. A switch of mind, new scenery, few minutes pass and so did this episode. Triggers unknown but the feelings always the same. All is lost, nothing gained, hopeless, sad, alone, pounding heart, fragile, broken.
Intensified over the years and beginning to burden her and others around her. Breathe deep, clam, think serenity. Did something breakthrough the walls that were built to keep the bad out? What was happening in that time leading up to that moment? A song, a movement, a color, a shape, a thought but which one? The episode completely swiped her recollection of all thoughts prior too. The feelings she remembers well. Memories unwelcome of times when innocence deceased. Robbed from someone close, that was not blood but was trusted and always around. A person that knew too much and took more. Heavy is her chest, low hangs her head, unhealed is her subconscious mind.
How is this? There were so many things that hurt her, crushed her sense her youth. She drug induced, cried, and forgave every person that wronged her.
She is at times still just that same lost, fearful, confused little girl and can understand why. She's a woman now, but she feels weak and wears a mask to not let the vulnerable show. She knows the truth about some people now, she knows how they can't resist taking advantage of the exposed left alone in the world.

One thought on “Up

  1. Anonymous says:

    Since* just seen this, probably more.

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