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Posted by on 2020/04/19 under Life

One step, one blink, one breath, and poof its a decade later. What's time? A social construct? Have you ever stopped and wondered what life would be like without time? I haven't either until this moment.

On April 18, 2020 I hurt the person I love most. I watched as the tears fell from her eyes. And she stood up and said, "You'll miss me when I'm gone." My thoughts blurred. So, I played Streetcar by Daniel Caesar. Now my thoughts are running a marathon. How do I stop them? Who has control? Everything has gone haywire.

He's my estanged brother. I wish I had taken the time to get to know. He was always so close, but so far. How is that even possible? Now, we're adults and still distant. I thought I could live without getting to know him, but who was I kidding? HE'S MY F***ING BROTHER! What would he think if I reached out? That I'm weak? I'm afraid to take that chance, but time is running out. I can feel the gap between us becoming wider with every second. How do I stop it? There are so many unanswered questions, but no one to ask.

Today, the person I love most was hurt by my words. How can I take back what I said, so we can undo this moment? I don't think I'll ever be able to forget what I've done. Do you know how many times I thought about life without you? Everytime I think about it, I feel like I'm suffocating…. because YOU ARE MY PERSON! This life will be very dull without you.

Would you believe me if I told you on this day someone was moving into their first place? How about as I'm writing this someone is giving birth. It's crazy, but that's time.

I'm sorry, I never meant to hurt you intentionally.

I'm sorry, I'm unable to say congratulations.

I'm sorry, that I haven't learned how to stop time.

I'm sorry!

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