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Posted by on 2020/04/13 under Life

I don’t know why my life is so tough. Okay you can definitely say that a lot of people have worse lives than me. But I’m comparing myself with people with the same background as me – my cousins, my classmates. It seems that I have taken a few irreversible wrong steps that led me to today. My mom would tell me this is my fate so I take her words and embrace all that I have.

My job is quite boring but it’s the best that I have found so far and it’s super suitable for me as of now when I’m still breastfeeding my infant son. I’m not super well paid but I’m not lowly paid either.

I’m living with my parents-in-law. Yes you have guessed it right. I’m not exactly happy with this living arrangement but I have no other choice given my current financial circumstances. Living with my in laws does help me save quite some money for now. I hate their maid but I guess all maids hate extended family members because they don’t want to serve more people. To be honest it’s also my fault that our relationship went sour. I was very hot-tempered and showed disrespect towards her. I did think of her as a maid only so I was damn angry she cleaned the whole house except our room. Anyway she refused to help me with anything and tried to alienate me just because I’m new to the family. That’s mean. She tried to be friendly towards me after I gave birth but I couldn’t get close to her due to the way she treated my mum and the way she treated me after I just gave birth for 1 month. Oh gosh. Luckily I didn’t have postpartum depression due to her. Every time I convinced myself that she’s actually not bad she would prove me wrong by many ways such as letting my hanging clothes under the rain, taking pegs from my hanging clothes that resulted in my clothes dropped on the ground, cooking breakfast for everyone but me and my husband, leaving dirty plate unwashed behind just because it belongs to my son. Omg. I should stop. I feel like our personalities just can’t be in harmony. So I just want to move away soon. Yes she did help me with my son but it’s to a minimum extend and she just likes children in general. So well, thank you for that and I am grateful you care for my son no matter what has been happening between us.

My in-laws don’t help with babysitting but they also don’t interfere with our way of living. For that I’m tremendously grateful.

My husband. He’s been doing a daily wage job so that he can send our baby to school and fetch him home everyday. Ok he has been earning very little but we’re hopeful that he can start a business next year. He is currently not working for 2-3 months due to the shop renovation. Of course I’m not happy financially but I’m grateful he’s at home to help me during these national quarantine days.

Alright. Life is not easy. Life is not smooth but this life is all I have. Try to make the best of it.

Hopefully the lockdown will end soon so that my husband can go back to work and our house can resume renovation. I’m looking forward to moving to our new home in June.

One thought on “Tough

  1. angel says:

    its inspiring

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