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Posted by on 2020/01/17 under Life

Shortly before the Christmas break I was given two assignments.
One was for Science and the other was for Geography and me being the lazy c*** I am didn't do them. I mean, I did the Geography but I was out sick during the presentation and lost it afterwards. But the Science work I didn't do at all. Mainly because I was telling myself "I have loads of time" and "I can do it later" and other things like that. I never handed it up and of course I had a bloody parent – teacher meeting shortly after. My Science teacher and Geography teacher told my mom how I didn't hand over any work and that same night my mom shouted at me. Eventually she stopped and then I just reflected about how much trouble I got myself into. My year head (we'll call him Mr. Dempsey for this story) called my mom and said how I have to get a report card and get a signature from both my mom AND EVERY TEACHER I HAVE. Keep in mind i have 9 teachers and only two of them I didn't hand up work. Now my other 7 teachers know I'm a bad student and my peers will think the same. it's really awkward having to ask my teachers at the end of class if they can sign my report card, and I simply can't stand it. I'm aware this is my fault but I'm writing this just so I can get this off my mind. My girlfriend cheated on me, I'm failing school, my mom doesn't trust me and I'm getting random sex drives more often.
I've started self harming myself but I know it won't by me anywhere other then a bottomless pit of sadness. I didn't mention this but before I was given the assignments I had already been dealing with the loss of a friend and I was experiencing other personal things I would rather not mention and I had been stuck like this for nearly 2 years. I've attempted suicide but stopped myself at the last minute because I believe that I won't be like this forever. But I still think about ending my life regularly. I need some sort of excitement or drive to keep going but I can't stand like this for another day

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