Love Work Family Friends Games Kids Life

Posted by on 2019/12/31 under Life

Dear Tracey,

Your plan to move back to your hometown to hunt
down a man / woman has recently been brought to my
attention. I feel it is my duty, as a stalwart on the
Margate singles "scene", to warn you of your impossible
nature of your quest.
According to wikipedia, your artwork `my bed`, was
`inspired by a sexual yet depressive phase in (your)
life when (you) had remained in bed for several days
without eating or drinking anything but alcohol. `
This sounds like my summer and while that was bad
enough, we are now entering the winter of date-
discontent and, much like the aged bodily fluids on
your bed, my love and sex life has dried up. After
a wild summer of promiscuous abandon, I am staring
down the barrel of winter nights of self- loathing
induced by the solo consumption of whole bottles of
wine on a daily basis. My bed still resembles `my
bed`, but without the sexual paraphernalia and
"seminal" status. With everyone else in town popping
out mini Margate Creatives, I have turned to the cold
shallow depths of dating apps. However, my attempts
to swipe right have been thwarted by a slew of faces
i know, many of whom i also know are in relationships.
Their single ghosts lingering on only to remind us
still looking that our chances of finding love are
dwindling by the day.
I have seen friends fighting over men they`ve never
met, because their Tinder profile is apparently irr-
esistible. anyone new in town is snapped up quicker
than you can say "but is it art? " Plus, within days
of moving to Margate, these men have at least 50
mutual friends on Facebook and i have to ponder
whether that`s too many for me to trust that they won`t
tell everyone if i can`t find my pants in the morning.
As you`re into art and romancing inanimate objects,
you could have found your perfect match in Anthony
Gormley`s drowning man. But like so many men on
Tinder, it looks like he might not be sticking around
forever(btw is it adulty if you cheat on a rock?
I wouldnt want you to get caught by a rock on a
hard face).
So that might be you sorted. For me it`s a cont-
inual left swipe of my tired thumb. And then there
it is. The groundhog screen. The one thats says:
`sorry there`s no one new around you right now`,
`sorry you`ve run out of options`. `sorry you`re
as wash up as old walpole plastic`. I spoke to some
non- Margate friends about the situation and one
suggested i cast my net a bit further. `Or just your
legs` another quipped.
Which brings me swiftly back to you and your bed.
On behalf of Margate singles, I welcome you back with
open arms, even while our legs remain inexorably
together. But if you`re hoping to find love in Margate,
join the back of the que, love.

Yours sincerely.

Sex by the sea.

Leave a Reply

Name and Mail are optional. Your email address is however required if you want to subscribe to the comments (see below)

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.