Love Work Family Friends Games Kids Life

Posted by on 2019/11/18 under Life

From the bright early morning sunshine blanket during our last meet, we had now taken refuge under the intricately ornate star-studded night sky for our second tryst with fate's offering for each other.

"This is the Orion. See the Big Dipper there. Can you see Sirius from here?", he said as he excitedly drew patterns in the sky for me to see. But all I could see was his youthful zest and wonder for nature's beauty and abundance. How his eyes lit up like those million diamonds in the sky. How his mouth was agape when he saw a shooting star now and then. How his face lit up with childlike wonder. That was all that I wanted to see. Stars could wait another day.

Once again we sat on rolling carpets of dewy grass with the chill breeze of the night teasing us and brushing past our ears. As the temperatures around started to drop, unconsciously our bodies started gravitating closer and closer in search of warmth. And as our bodies warmed up to each other, slowly did our spirits too.

Similar to that morning by the lake, I found all my defences melting away and began sharing my deep-held secrets and concerns. From one hidden box to the other, he helped me patiently access it all through just his loving presence. Made me push my limits and dig deeper to find the source of my pain and cast this inner darkness out in the open night. From memories of being sexually abused as a child, feeling lost and orphaned as an awkward teen, to having my first heartbreak through a cheating partner, I poured everything out.

He gave no advice, no big promises, no outlandish affirmations. He just sat there beside me, with our bodies cradled in each others arms. With his full presence and attention to me. With boundless love and positive energy gushing out of his heart to heal me. And that's when it struck me that that was what I needed the most. What I was missing my whole f***ing life. Someone to immerse themselves unto me without interruption but with full concern. Someone who would just deeply listen!

I felt wanted, respected and held. Like I mattered to someone. Like me being there made a difference to another's life. Like my pain had a reason and could maybe heal another.

And yes, it did.

After a long silence with occasional interruptions of my sob noises, he started opening up to me the same way. The big man became the adorable little child yet again. And I couldn't help but mother him the same way he had just done to me. Instinctively, my body too did just that. I held him close, laying his head on my chest and pulled him in tightly, like a mother to an ailing child. And then stories upon stories came out alongside streams of tears to deliver them throughout the night until dawn broke.

Anger, disgust, shame and fear had never been so real to me as of this moment when I witnessed another laying them bare for me to see them as it is. I could never imagine that two beings sharing their deepest vulnerabilities to each other with brutal honesty could be so moving. I was beyond overwhelmed.
For the first time in life, I felt truly alive.
For the first time in life, I felt oneness with the source.
For the first time in life, I felt fully human.

Life is such an irony. The man to whom I was going to tell that we needed to draw boundaries because I was already committed to another, was the same man to whom I lost all constructs of boundaries whatsoever.

Life is strange and works in mysterious ways. But life sure is beautiful!

Leave a Reply

Name and Mail are optional. Your email address is however required if you want to subscribe to the comments (see below)

This site uses User Verification plugin to reduce spam. See how your comment data is processed.

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.