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Posted by on 2019/10/27 under Life

I love support groups. I love talking about myself ami listening to
others intimately. I love emotions, and the emotional facet of politics.
I love being known, and being encouraged to express myself deeply.
Organizing a bisexual women's support group this past fall took a lot
of effort– and is producing a welcome, abundant harvest. I am hungry for
many such opportunities within my community — times when I learn of others'
life stories and so gain a common history and context in which to understand
myself. I feel listened to.
Self knowledge is our right, but we've mostly been denied it. In order
to heal, support structures must be consciously created. We can gather ex-
pressly for the purpose of educating ourselves in a safe environment.
Within such a context, I want to talk specifically about bisexuality,
not about current events or the weather or my surface opinions in defense
of an issue that doesn't really interest me. I want to talk about the lifelong
experiences that have shaped how I've come to see myself, not just a one
time coming-out story. I wnnt to unfold my understanding of the entire,
complex, bisexual experience, so that I not only live the life that is mine
everyday, but feel self confident and proud about my reality.
I admit to being disappointed in the nature of discussion-oriented
groups
that operate on a more intellectual level and don't reveal much about people's
personal fears or successes. I find it very easy to identify my need and
desire for emotional openness, although I won't claim to have a continuous
blissful state of mental well being. The experience, though, of telling
or^es personal and lotnl truth is precious to me. It is when I feel the
strongest and most hopeful, and rind my identity and struggle tor justice
most meaningful, profound, and worthwhile.
For the bisexual women's community I believe this support is an intrinsic
need. In order to experience celebration among peers, we must reveal our-
selves deeply. I do not know how I would be able to even believe in my own
identity without a community. But in order to be truly proud and to thrive,
I and others nee* to delve into our experiences in the face of societally
imposed invisibility and hear and affirm one another. Community means feeling
connected and less afraid among one another, and understood on a level
sympathetic to one's hurts and one's outlook. Therefore I think true com-
munity and support have a symbiotic relationship.
I want to know the names of people's lovers and how they met and what 1
it is they love about them. I want to know how other people survive being
runaways from parents who rejected their sexiiolity. I want to know how people
define healthy relationships, and to unlearn the messages that only thin
white women resembling fashion models deserve to be loved, or that promiscuity
is the best way to get one's needs met. I wont to develop a self worth about
my sexual orientation that will carry over into the ways I let dates, employers,
and acquaintances treat me. I want to always be able to find this forum
among my bisexual sisters.
I hope women con identify and feel proud of their desire for support.
I value this aspect of our community. Support groups are a beautiful unit
in which to experience this. I hope support can be thorough, visible and
freely available for us all. I hope it will be considered essential political
work. I hope that our circles of protection can link to form an unbreakable
community which nourishes all its members and makes us strong and effective
in the world, so that we create a world in which our stories are honored.
And I hope to see all of us there, taking care of ourselves and one another,
because we are that important. Our ability to feel is priceless — not to
mention an undervalued tool for revolution.

reprinted from the Feb/March issue of BiWomen

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