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Posted by on 2019/09/14 under Life

Mum is still ill its been two entire years of COPD and heart problems, she has fast AF and now heart failure. I feel exhausted its a constant worry, i am forever waiting for something to give out either her heart or her breathing. Its just so depressing and the thing that hurts the most is me and my mum have only just become close over the past few years since she has got sick. I want to enjoy doing things with her, we had brief moments together going to restaurants, and MCdonalds i know we shouldnt as its bad food. The problem now is she has given up it seems. she dont want to do anything, she sleeps all day long, she wants to eat rubbish food when im trying to help her eat healthy. She just dont want to prolong her life, its like she dont care no more. We lost my sister ten years ago then the little dog and she was crushed. I was living away, i wished i came home and helped her through it all. I was trying to live my life is all. flew from the nest wanted to make my way in the world. My mother was the strongest person i ever known and now she is the weakest. Its sad, its very sad and horrible and every day is difficult. Some days she is ok, then not well, then ill, then just ill. She gets dizzy she has cold sweats im afraid she is going to have a heart attack at any minute. We check her oxygen levels and her heart rate with a pulse oximetry. Sometimes her oxygen is in the 70s and sometimes her heart rate was in the 30s but she dont want to go go hospital as we were in there for an entire month last month. The doctors here only seem to give appointments every three weeks, doctors cannot seem to come out anymore. The family aint coming around to help or see how she is. This is another problem she dont want to see anyone as she is worried how ill or sick she looks to people. She is worried bout her hair and clothes. She even has a t shirt with Queen written on it. Well i hope you get better mummie, because i dont know how i am going to live without you. xxx

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