Posted by Anonymous on 2019/01/15 under Life i dont know what to do. all i see is darkness and like nothing matters anymore. im drowning in school and my ex recently broke up with me and started dating this girl. Turns out they met while we were together and they both are hooked on pills and steal and get into s*** together that could get him into alot of trouble especially since hes on probation. i still love him of course but not in the way i used too. i just want him to do better. We got together when he was in a very fragile state and i helped him through alot and i get that may be the reason we met and became so close, so i could help him, but now that he doesn't want my help anymore i see him going off the end. i feel as if its my fault because i moved away for college. but i just cant help but cry and pray that he realizes his life is worth more. Im the type of person that'll be there for my friends or family whenever they need someone to talk to, but i feel like no ones there to talk to me. i feel like my best friend doesn't care enough to listen to me and thinks im just going through normal boy drama, but he doesn't understand how hard it was taking care of someone for 8 months and then one day they wake up and say that you mean nothing to them. it broke me. but i stayed strong and only cried when i was alone. My parents dont make anything better, they throw so many things in my face and treat me like a kid, i feel like i dont do anything right for them and that ill never make them proud. I feel like the more i try to pretend to be happy the more sadness i endure. Im not any type of writer, hell, i hated writing in school. But i needed to get this out and i dont know if anyone is actually reading this but i can pretend there is and i can pretend like whoever out there that sees this actually cares. i feel like just crawling in a hole and never coming out. i want to end this pain. i dont want to be sad anymore. i want to feel heard. i want to feel important. i want to feel alive again.