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Posted by on 2018/12/28 under Life

okay,i dont know how to say this but do you ever just think to yourself; there is no way everybody thinks the way i do. like its just not normal, i have bad thoughts like really bad ones so im struggling with it (as i also have a really bad case if anxiety) but if somebody notices me being sad, what am i suppose to say?!? i cant say anything becauase i have nothing to be sad about but i just am and i dont know whats making me sad. thats why i do what everyone falls for, put on a fake smile and pretend everything is fine. when its clearly not. (or just cover it up with humor) i dont know why i wrote this. maybe thee is somebody out there who will understand.

One thought on “i dont know

  1. Anonymous says:

    Yup! I get it and use the same term of putting on a fake face, crack jokes and other as to hide the inner feelings.
    Thinking bad things hunh? Suicide, murder, beating the crap of someone that acts like an ass around you? Yeah, same here, but just dont act on them. its more fun just to ponder the thoughts and then let it go.

    whats happening is your mind is fighting a war between two evils. Anxiety and depression, you cant have one without the other. Else everyone would think you are on speed or coke 24-7 365. When the anxiety plays out or should I say your mind and body tires of the anxiety, you crash to the lower end and sink like a rock trying to float in water. Plump! Down you go!

    If you are anything like me, when the anxity/depressions hits, its sudden and you want to sit down and write a book or just grub on some favorite foods and stare blankly into the TV hoping for some answers.

    Here is one I have found. Hope it helps…
    Depression is a mood and anxiety is the urge to do something about it. So you see-saw betwen the two heights and nothing ever betters.

    But both are an emotional ride, just like happiness, anger, love and other emotions. You can control it with your mind and mind set.
    But you have to force yourself and trick yourself into these emotions until you get the hang of it.
    But you have to ignore that inner voice that says give up this is stupid and wont work.

    Whatever it takes (legally and within reason Lol)do it. Say the hell with the sub-conscious inner voice that says you are the fool or odd one, you can master that later.
    Give up the sad songs and anxiety driven rock and roll or hate music’s anything that triggers either mood or enhances them. radios have many stations.

    If you dont feel like doing anything, go do something, a small task even if its picking up that week old pile of trash you threw in the corner in your fits.
    The moods change with motivation and plain old stubborn mind and body efforts. I cant is depression talking, I can is anxiety saying look at what all you neglected while depressed do them all now this very minute, no time to waste.

    Pick one task and do it, and do it well, OCD style, and then move to the next.
    Do anything but to dwell in the two holes of space and emptiness.

    By doing this you train your mind to do the opposite at both ends. anxiety = slow down and relax by doing one thing well, depression= change feelings to happy time and do anything and prove to your mind that it does not control you or your body like a 1200 pound walrus stuck in glue, you control it.

    It will or should change slowly the chemical imbalance in your mind as each have their own area and chemicals.
    Just like adrenaline when you get sacred suddenly. the other emotions you tell your mind to believe will trigger those chemicals and start mixing or override the two evils.
    Either that or turn the stove cap on Medium and Sit your ass on it. OUCH! Just kidding, avoid and dont give in to the PAIN emotion and URGES. aka suicide. You cant kill the pain by inducing more pain, endorphins are different type of pain killers that effect the nerves in your body, not your mind.

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