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Posted by on 2018/12/15 under Life

I want to get these words off my chest, get them out into the open. But how? How do I confront my biggest fear, my deepest desires. I'm so used to helping others and not caring about how I'm feeling that sometimes it slips my mind that I have s*** of my own to deal with. Everyone is always asking me how I feel and I always reply with "I'm doing fine." When really I feel like dying inside, I want to express how I feel but I feel as I will get made fun of or people will see me a disturbed. I don't tell people how I feel just for this reason. I never want someone to look at me differently. Or see how twisted I really am inside. I want to show my true colors, but how do I face my fears to share? I just want to be heard…

One thought on “life

  1. Anonymous says:

    Depression or Represson!

    We all put on fake faces from time to time. Depression makes you feel like you are always wearing one!
    Go on a date with someone you dont really like, you are putting on a fake face until you get home and say FINALLY! Imma notttaa doing that again! Whew! and you get to keep virginity at age 35 and puppy dog too!

    Depression is an emotion! It can be sever but it can also be controlled by the mind to a large degree.
    You have to force yourself out of it, be willful and strong! But realize its a mind set and sometimes needs a doctors or other pros push.

    Think about this! There is not a medical diagnosis for Happiness, Bliss, Euphoria, Excitement (not anxiety), Heart Break, Anger, Love, or other emotion. Yet doctors and scientist try to make us believe there is a cure for depression. There is but its not all together or necessarily in a pill form.
    Depression can come from Repression and its all around us like some communistic country of Laws against everything. Then social pressures can play on you as well.

    But Society has so many cultures that no one society, or individaul can dictate or nail down any standards this day and age. Want Old lady blue hair? go for it, chances are you would fit right in with the Emo girls. Want to wear black…. welcome to gothic. Drink blood= hey there vampire! …..Want to walk around nude in public (me too) become a nudist. Ya know?????? its hard to be a freak and differnt now days, everyone has been there done that, and said it too! So why put yourself on a pedistal of social acceptance restrictions and limitations. Just dont kill yourself or shoot someone unless they deserve it! making joke.

    But dont let the depression win everyday!
    Get up, set a short goal, something simple! Take your mind off the mood, Eat some icecream, wear some ice cream and call me! Listen to up beat, positive music. Think, plan and do something postive! Anything to make you feel better. If you cant, Dont dwell on the bum feeling or beat your self up over how you feel, just put yourself in a positve setting. No sad music, no heart break music, no love songs, no country, and no hip hop/bad ass/nigger gangster attitude about sex, drugs, killing, sadisic, and/or other scum of society crap.

    Once you start to understand and belive Depression as an Emotion, dont accept the mood, change it. Some days it will take all your strenght to do it… but you can even if its stepping up from crying all day to just mopping (moping?) around the house or work. Thats still a step up, and once you master that step, take another higher step! Realize you controll the depression, it does not rule you! Its a mood. Dont accpted everone (the worlds) view that you cant fight back and have no chance of beating it! FIGHT BACK, Repress what is repressing you by changing what you are thinking or dwelling on. Sad thoughts only dig the hole deeper, happy thoughts and emotions fill up that hole.

    Worreid about how others view you? Take a look at my spelling, my face, my jobless looser status…. and I have a college degree, ugly face, missing teeth..Butt ugly to the max. Am I worried about my spelling shortcomings, how others see me, how broke I am, if my smile pleases them. Hell no! Thats why they make spell checkers, Lips, dentis, foodstamps. lol ha ha ha. Cant put a gun to some HR hireing agent head and make them hire you ! But it makes it easy to rape them! LOL

    You can only do what you can do and what you set your ABLE Mind and physical body to doing.
    Able to have sex, me too! hint hint, wink wink, wa wa wa! Dont worry Ill wear a paper sack over my face if that will help ya out…. lol, cheer and enjoy the jokes! People are so easily offended by what nature has dictated us to do all our lives. Animals in nature too. cant wait til a law exist on dogs and cats sex in public.

    If its a little off topic in this society, so what? saying that just made me feel better! he he he.

    My point!
    Dont worry about how others preceive you, that is a big mistake.!!!!!!!!!!

    Trust me, I have PTSD, and Depression- havent taken a magic happy pill for years. Yes the feelings will always be there from time to time, but you have to believe in yourself, you have to know that you can change your moods.
    If your mad, you can alter that by screaming or watching something on TV to take your mind off of it ….Right? Suddenly your no longer mad and enjoying a tv show, comedy, entertaining, etc.
    ITS ALL THE SAME!

    Im not saying I have the answer and cure, some depressions are bad enough to warrent shrink pills, but you can also help yourself as a bonus. It takes will.

    The bottom line is , no matter what you do and say, someone will always have their own opions, be offended, see it as some obscure abnormal act or comment (the are wannabe narcissist and dictators who think the world rotates around them). I do! NOT. I could have told you to quit whining and get over it, keep your off the wall opinion to your self….. But guess WHUT??

    You actually controdicted yourself, you said you were worried about what people may say or think….. but you said what you thought and felt and didnt worry about it one bit….. I dont think that was weird.

    I am not saying everyone can overcome the moods,and sometimes I even doubt myself and take a day off as it can and will always try to wear you down and weaken you. Dont be afraid to admit that it won one day out of 60 or a 100, 365! Everyone rest when they tired.

    Like me. its just part of it. think I will sign off now. Hope this helped.

    P.S. the off the wall jokes were just to cheer you up. But seriously, if your a girl, then I am just a boy expressing his natural thoughts. call me heres my number
    —–> 1 <———- and yours too!

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