Posted by Anonymous on 2018/08/28 under Life I feel like a failure. Terrible mom, worthless wife, nothing to offer and no way to change it. I can feel my brain slowly dissolving, the cognitive delays are getting worse. There is no way to stop the progression. I watched my dad go down this path. I can’t work anymore to help provide for my family, and so they abandon me. My husband is there, he says he loves me, but I don’t feel it. We barely talk, any time I try to make plans he doesn’t want to do it. He always says we are broke, so I find free things to do. Still nothing. My kids have grown up to become self centered brats. They have zero appreciation for the life we tried to give them. We adopted them from an orphanage, kept all four of them together, have them everything we had, financially, emotionally. A simple request to help for 20 minutes because their dad dislocated his knee is ignored. Mother’s Day, nothing, Father's Day, nothing, birthdays, nothing not even phone calls. They have their own families now so we don’t count, unless they need something. I tried to be a good mom, but one of my four sons says I’m not his real mom. I am the cause of all of his problems. Not his bipolar disorder. I raised his son for 4 years, no appreciation, no thank you. Instead I get you’ll never see him again because the new girlfriend thinks I am the problem. His son has been an angel at home and at school , but the girlfriend is convinced he is poorly behaved and needs correcting. He becomes a problem to her, she threatens to leave my son unless he disciplines his son so so my son resorts to physical violence and spanks his 5 year old so badly it left marks. The police become involved and somehow it is again all my fault. I can not get a break and I am so very tired, I just don’t have the will to go on sometimes. I won’t try to end my life because that is a selfish act, and I don’t think anyone would care anyway. I won’t give anyone that satisfaction. It is just sad that I know I can’t make this better. I am grateful for what I have and I am proud of the fact that I truly tried my best, but incredibly sad that it wasn’t good enough. My mom is in the final stage of kidney failure, and is an addict. She almost died a few weeks ago, but still won’t admit she has a problem with booze, or prescription opioids and benzodiazepines. She keeps finding docs to help her. To meet her, you wouldn’t really know, she can be so convincing, until she stumbles and falls or forgets what she has said in the same conversation. She refuses to go to rehab, even though she has almost died. I help her and she says I am too controlling, but I don’t think I am, she just won’t admit she needs help. She won’t even just say thank you. My life sucks. Thank you for listening.