Posted by Anonymous on 2018/08/17 under Life I'm a 24-year-old college student who is considered what you would call a "Super Senior" in his fifth year. By my own calculations of putting in full time classes and taking summer classes when they're available (and passing everything), I'm not going to graduate for another 2-3 years. Maybe more because I'm noticing a gradually increasing difficulty scale as I go up the ladder of classes. Personally, after about 3-4 years into this major (Computer Engineering), I started to have some serious doubts that this isn't the major for me. I used to have an interest at first, but it has long since faded away. Presently, I have passed everything I have taken, but with "below average" grades. Despite losing my drive for this subject, I figured it was too late to change majors to something non-relevant to engineering, and switching to any other branch of engineering would still just be as non-motivational. So I would try to stick with it, graduate, and hopefully get a decent job whether or not it was relevant to the degree. After all, I have heard that computer engineers get paid quite a lot, even over other engineers. This sense of security was all I had keeping me going. However, tonight, while talking to my girlfriend, she got a phone call from a former teacher/mentor. He informed her of an open-line job position that was perfect for her, which I'm really glad and proud to hear. It was just something she said (without any ill intent) that trashed my sense of security, crushed what was left of my motives, and threw my self-esteem out the window. She told me the details of this job and said the potential future pay is really nice; that "It could end up being HIGHER than what a COMPUTER ENGINEER makes." Now, I'm not trying to 1-up her, be the breadwinner, or anything like that, but those words hurt. I'm not even angry at her. What bothered me is that it is a job offer that has nearly nothing to do with the degree she earned and is based off of her experience alone. This all boils down to questions and statements that I'm now asking or telling myself in an anxious state that I could only describe as something of a life-crisis: I regret practically all the choices I have made. My true passion was in psychology, but I never pursued because I felt that psychologist majors didn't make a lot. I was afraid of internships early on because I always thought that I never had enough experience for it. Only last semester did I realize you didn't need much to apply. I never took the temporary job offers over the summers meant for early engineers for the same reason. Now it's even harder to meet their GPA requirement because my GPA has been gradually dropping from the increasingly difficult classes and the only way to get it back up is to retake classes, which would only PROLONG how long I stay in college. "I'm 24, and practically have no experience relevant to my own degree outside of class" is translating in my head as "I'm 24, and I'm a f***ing loser with no chance of success in the future." This is all leading to some very, very dark thoughts I don't want to have. My insecurities have gotten to me and I'm not handling this feeling very well. I'm not asking for donations or a job offer out of pity, but even words of comfort or knowing that someone out there has been through this would ease the feeling. I know I must sound like a guy who was born with a silver spoon in his mouth, and I wouldn't blame you for thinking so, but please, if anyone is reading this, help me. I'm scared.
If she can get a job that is better pay than what I'm studying for based solely off of her EXPERIENCE, then what the $#@! am I doing in college? Should I just drop out and accumulate experience? Did I just waste 5 years of my life? If I keep going to college, I'll be 26-28 by the time I get out. I would like to raise a family soon after, but could I even financially support one within the years to follow, let alone my own girlfriend? I must look like a loser and a disappointment to my own family. They probably think it serves me right for not pursuing some sort of medical degree like they all did.
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Remember, you are not her. You are you. Life’s not a race, you’ll get there. I feel you are the type of person who works hard. You need to pace yourself.