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Posted by on 2018/05/17 under Life

This isn’t something I wasn’t aware of about life, being truly alone, but it is something that I seem to be remind of more recently. I think my eyes are open like they never have been to my surroundings to help with that clarity. People are just so self-centered! I will admit I can be too at times but for the most part I remember that I’m not the reason the sun rises daily. Friendships change, I understand that but you don’t have to just take someone’s kindness and not give anything in return. I should have known you would burn me again- it’s who you are! Lies, deceit, slimy behavior I’m so sick of it! I think the biggest thing I’m tired of is not being able to just let things roll off my back, it’s annoying to feel offended! I have my kids and my family but even that doesn’t mean I’m not alone. I keep up with friendships because of the history but is that really the reason I should? Work is changing. Some changes are good and others make me want to start over fresh doing something different. I wanted to make a change, I wanted to be a good leader, I wanted my staff to rise in the ranks and be noticed but it’s just stagnant and laziness. Am I not good enough? Is jealousy to blame? I admit I have had unhealthy gut reactions to those starting relationships and yet I am doing nothing proactive for myself to find one. I just want out of my head! I just want to live life to the fullest and not be bothered by how others around me treat people and life. I just want to rise above and keep pushing forward without thoughts like this. I know it makes me who I am but sometimes this weight, my thoughts, is even too heavy for me to bear. So my walls it seems will be put up again. That’s not really what I want. Please let me rise above and not dwell on others actions. Please let me let it roll and just do me. Please let me be free of this thought process without any harm to others. Please let me know I’m alone without feeling the lonely!

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